April Fools

Every April 1, many pranks and tricks are played. Those who fall for them might be called April fools. But often these days, what might appear to be an April Fool's joke has actually happened on a daily basis. All of the following with one exception are real occurrences:

• A number of mistrials have been required because certain jurors, in contravention of judicial instructions, have been caught texting or twittering during jury deliberations. (Milwaukee Bucks player Charlie Villanueva was detected twittering at halftime during his coach's pep talk).
• A former NFL star (Travis Henry) and a former NBA player (Jason Caffey) have admitted to fathering, respectively, 9 and 8 children by an equal number of different women and despite their bloated salaries both are behind in child support.
• Iowa Senator Charles Grassley (who later said he was kidding) announced that he believed that many of those responsible for the financial crisis, particularly some AIG bonus recipients, should behave like some Japanese executives and commit suicide.
• Despite having several highly paid image consultants, Yankees star and '"former" steroid abuser Alex (A-Rod) Rodriguez's image took another big hit (pun intended) with the alleged revelation that he was client #13 (his uniform number) at the same high priced escort service that brought down NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer, supposedly client #9.
• Deposed and soon to be indicted former Illinois Gov. Rod (Helmet Hair) Blagojevich spent a morning as the host on a Chicago radio talk show right after receiving a six figure advance for a yet to be written book about him, who else?
• The wife of jailed Uber-Swindler Bernie Madoff received a seven figure advance for a tell -all book "The Truth About Ruth".

If you realized that only the last item was made up by TNB, you win an all expense paid trip to a Caribbean island of your choice (April Fool).

Duplicity

For a few hours of escape from all of the world's troubles, TNB recommends the enjoyable new Julia Roberts/Clive Owen caper film "Duplicity" which deals brilliantly with the world of corporate espionage. Once you have left the theatre (unfortunately not the late, lamented Normal, pictured to the left) you'll be back in reality faced with even more "duplicity", which is defined in the dictionary as double dealing or deceitfulness. Consider the following:

• Perhaps more duplicitous than the much maligned bonuses paid to failed executives, AIG transferred Billions (not a mere $165 million) of its bailout money to various counterparties such as Goldman Sachs and Deutsche Bank which it had insured with its arcane credit default swaps. Since without the TARP funds, AIG would have been bankrupt and would have defaulted on its own default instruments, the taxpayers were possibly deceived as to exactly what the bailout was really for (not the only example). BTW, apparently some of these bonuses have been returned (except of course those paid in Europe) and perhaps the ill-conceived (maybe duplicitous) 90% income tax will deservedly die a quiet death.
• Is there a body containing more duplicity than the US Congress? How about Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut who while posing as a populist took huge campaign contributions from the financial services industry (as did another ranking Democrat, NY Sen. Chuck Schumer) and allegedly snuck something in the stimulus package which permitted AIG and other bailout recipients to legally pay the aforementioned egregious compensation? OMG.
• Daphne Merkin, the author of the forthcoming "Jews and Money" (we need this?) wrote an interesting New York Times column about the "casualties "of Bernie Madoff while deceiving the readers by not fully disclosing that her brother is Ezra Merkin, who has been sued by half of New York's wealthy for feeding their money (after sizable fees) to the newest resident of the Metropolitan Correctional Center of NYC. After TNB realized this, another reading of the column showed that she was subtly excusing any of his enablers because of Bernie's charm, aura, etc. etc. OY.

It appears that we just have to learn how to deal with the double dealers. In the Movie "Duplicity" there are at least some triple dealers, but that's fiction, right?

Headlines

Thursday, March 12 was quite a day in the headlines. For example:

BERNIE MADOFF REMANDED TO PRISON

COMMENT: While victims present in the courtroom applauded, the King of Swindlers was led away in handcuffs. Unreported was a later incident when Ruth Madoff tried to sneak in a pastrami sandwich from Bernie's favorite deli. Ruth, of course, is dearly trying to hold onto $69 million she claims is not from the fraud. She maybe ran an expensive escort service (Eliot Spitzer, anyone)?

BRISTOL PALIN NO LONGER ENGAGED

COMMENT: Remember the unbelievable "spin" right after the GOP convention, where Sarah and others gushed over how much in love Bristol and Levi (who always looked like a deer caught in the headlights) were, their forthcoming marriage and completion of high school (they're both dropouts) ad nauseum? If any normal person bought into this, TNB has a bridge for sale. Another example of Beverly Hills Hillbillies relocated to Wasilla. BTW, actual statistic--only 8% of teenage mothers marry the father, with many divorces the eventual result.

JON STEWART CREAMS JIM CRAMER

COMMENT: While taking his well deserved medicine from Jon, it looked like Jim Cramer was on on some other meds (Ritalin, Prozac?). Apparently, his entire shtick (Mad Money) is a tiresome act. He was well behaved on Martha Stewart (obviously no relation) earlier Thursday but didn't show up on Morning Joe Friday AM (no more caffeine maybe?)

SYRACUSE BEATS UCONN IN RECORD 6 OVERTIMES

COMMENT: Arrogant, grossly overpaid UConn coach Jim Calhoun was his usual ungracious self afterwards, blaming everybody but himself and TNB. Why are so many college coaches so widely admired? Must be the great examples they set for their "student-athletes".

TEXAS, SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNORS REFUSE STIMULUS MONEY

COMMENT: Apparently following the lead of Rush (I hope Obama fails) Limbaugh, these 2 enlightened conservatives believe that the strings attached to the stimulus package (e.g. improving unemployment benefits) made helping their constituents unpalatable. Better to take a "principled" stand. These guys are worse than college coaches.

What's The Big Rush

It's somewhat startling that after being resoundingly defeated in the last election and with their approval rating lower than the Dow that the Republican party would at least temporarily rally around two nobodies--Lousiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, who looked positively adolescent in delivering the GOP reply to the Obama congressional address and Michael Steele, their new national chairman who has made some ludicrous attempts to portray his party as hip and cool.This may not be PC to say but but maybe men of color and Republicans just don't mix. A much more appropriate face for today's conservatives is their new de facto "leader" -- big old Rush Limbaugh to whom Steele has already apologized for daring to criticize.

Rush is a perfect symbol of much of today's GOP--a nasty, bigoted hypocrite whose main appeal seems to be to people like him--a few rungs above trailer park trash (but a hell of a lot richer). In case you've forgotten, he's a thrice divorced pill abuser who, among other "accomplishments" has been arrested for doctor shopping to obtain multiple prescriptions. He has publicly mocked the Parkinson's disease symptoms of Michael J. Fox. Limbaugh will likely be apopletic Monday when President Obama reverses the despicable Bush limitations on stem cell research, which of course hopefully will some day help find a cure for horrible diseases such as Parkinson's. Also, Rush has been a vicious foe of immigration. Wouldn't it be ironic if eventually he faced a life and death dilemma on whether to accept a transplanted organ from an illegal Mexican alien?

Just recently, Rush has suggested naming the Obama health care bill "Ted Kennedy Memorial Legislation" thus effectively burying Teddy alive. What's with these right wing morons? Last week, Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning (a Hall of Fame pitcher who should have stuck to baseball) announced that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (whose name he misspelled twice) would be dead within nine months. Maybe these guys have a special pipeline to God that is not available to liberals.

Perhaps most outrageously Rush has noisily "invited" President Obama to debate him on his radio show (ratings anyone?). Since it wouldn't make any sense for the President, how about an equally adept replacement--one who will not be restrained by good taste or concern about future political damage--yes, TNB. Let Rush know what you think!

What's the Big Rush

Twenty Questions

Those of us old enough to remember the old quiz show "Twenty Questions" (animal, vegetable or mineral?) probably are anxious for a 21st century successor. For the rest of you, the new version, as delineated below, should start an exciting trend (??) Answers of course are not provided.

1. Is anyone surprised that the GOP is totally devoid of constructive ideas on how to fix the economy other than the tired mantra of cutting taxes and not spending?
2. Isn't this the same group whose plan for financing the Iraq war was to, you guessed it, cut taxes thus significantly contributing to our current deficit?
3. Is it becoming a sort of perverse "badge of honor" to have your ethnic group be victimized by your own kind in a Ponzi scheme?
4. How else to explain what has befallen Jews (Bernie Madoff, Arthur Nadel), Bible Belt Christians (Allan Stanford) plus assorted Haitian Americans, Polish Americans, etc. and just about anyone you can think of except Hopi Indians and Kazakhstani/Americans (maybe Borat)?
5. Was anyone shocked that our national priorities are so screwed up that by far the highest paid Connecticut state employee at $1.2 mil. is the UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun who recently displayed an arrogance about such compensation worthy of any (former) Wall Street banker?
6. Does anyone care that insurance (former) behemoth AIG has needed the largest single Treasury bailout since they "insured" all of the exotic (now toxic) financial instruments such as credit default swaps without setting aside any loss reserves?
7. Were any regulators home while AIG and a myriad of others were causing irreparable harm to our economy?
8. When did celebrities (Hollywood, athletes, etc.)start to have an entourage or posse of hangers on to do everything, good or bad, for the exalted ones, such as cousins buying banned drugs?
9. Why do such celebrities have to be held up as role models for our children despite the well documented foibles and worse of many of them?
10. Why can't the real role models be doctors, teachers, firefighters, scientists and the like?
11. Was Kate Winslet sincere when she announced that henceforth she will keep her clothes on for her movie roles?
12. Is TNB the only one upset by such announcement?
13. Will Mickey Rourke fade back into oblivion?
14. Will Joan Rivers overcome her 32 facial operations and beat out the other D-List participants on Donald Trump's new Celebrity Apprentice?
15. Will the Donald overcome the stigma of his latest casino bankruptcy filing?
16. Will Minnesota's senatorial election (Al Franken vs. Norm Coleman) ever be settled?
17. When will Roland Burris' brief career as Senator from Illinois end?
18. Who will Roland's successor be?
19. Will such person be male, female, white, black or Hispanic or all of the above?
20. Whatever happened to Rod Blagojevich?