Don't Whistle at Night

When TNB's hometown Chicago Blackhawks won their conference final the other day, a brand new superstition was revealed to him. Athletes are notoriously superstitious but TNB was surprised (this was first conference final win for Blackhawks since 1992) that their captain, Jonathan Toews, refused on national television to touch the trophy awarded to the winning team for fear that this would jinx them in the upcoming Stanley Cup finals.

While this might sound extreme, it's worth noting that most everyone, no matter how intelligent and educated, still harbors certain superstitions which are really the irrational beliefs that unseen forces control one's fate or certain events usually with a negative effect. Many of these notions of course go back to childhood and have been passed down from generation to generation ("old wives' tales"). Consider some examples:

Those Indicating Bad Luck:

• Spilling Salt
• Black Cat Crossing Your Path
• The Number 13 (You'll never find a 13th floor in a hotel or office building)
• Walking Under a Ladder
• Breaking a Mirror
• Opening an Umbrella Indoors

Those Indicating Good Luck (or at least some chance):

• Rabbit's Foot
• Knocking on Wood
• Crossing Your Fingers
• Blessing Someone Who Has Sneezed
• Breaking a Turkey Wishbone

Honestly, don't you believe, at least subconsciously in some of the above? Hopefully, you're not obsessed with most of the above (or others). TNB will confess that he has one phobia (recently acquired, but it makes "sense").

TNB follows the maxim "Don't Whistle at Night". It is a "scientific fact" (unlike all of the foregoing superstitions) that if you do, it will bring out the snakes who might bite. References will be furnished on request.

Who Can You Believe

Many years ago (when TNB was a youth) people generally believed in institutions such as schools, churches and synagogues, banks, the government and so on. Also, perhaps naively, most of us believed in doctors, lawyers, teachers, clergymen, bankers and public officials. How times have changed! Although of course there still are believable individuals and entities, we have all become so skeptical and cynical that it is fair to ask "Who Can You Believe?"

For example, just about no one today believes or admires politicians. If they are not lying about their background (see Connecticut Atty. Gen. Richard Blumenthal's fake Vietnam service record), they are hypocritically trumpeting their non-existent "family values" (see South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, Indiana Rep. Mark Souder, etc. etc.). And then there's former Illinois Gov. Rod ("the Hair") Blagojevich who can't be believed about anything, although it remains to be seen just how gullible his soon-to-be-selected jurors are.

Our religious institutions don't have the same aura they once did, at least partially because all too many in the clergy have been exposed as all too human. Incredibly, some teachers have shown that they can't be trusted with children. And although it was always a good idea to "trust but verify" when entering into business transactions, in recent years it has almost been impossible (or impossibly stupid) to trust anyone (see Bernard Madoff, Goldman Sachs, Toyota, BP et al) when investing your life savings or just buying a car or assuming that large corporations won't ruin the environment.

In this atmosphere what can one do to retain some belief in the world around us? Probably the best solution is to get immersed in make believe (commercials, reality shows, Sarah Palin). They're just as believable as anything else and perhaps a little more amusing.

And then--if all else fails, you can believe in TNB. Never lied to you!

Reality Check

A reality check usually describes an occasion or event in which one is reminded of the state of things in the real world as contrasted to what exists in one's mind (often purposely or sincerely confused). TNB hereby offers to become head of the "reality check" police, or sort of a reality nanny. If such a position were in operation, there would be prompt daily accountability for all instances in which reality has been suspended. Some examples of the need for immediate reality checks follow:

• The apprehension of the alleged Times Square bomber turned up a naturalized American citizen who recently visited his Pakistani homeland and spent 5 months at a Taliban camp. Since he already had an MBA in the U.S. it is doubtful that he was there for additional finance classes. Despite all the apparent hard evidence against him (and his confession), a relative back home was quoted as claiming the arrest was part of an American "conspiracy" to justify bombings of the Taliban strongholds. It's obviously time for a major reality check. We know what you're up to over there and all the BS you can spew can't obliterate the facts.
• A University of Virginia lacrosse player was arrested for killing his 22 year old ex-girlfriend (a star of the women's lacrosse team ) by continually shaking her and pounding her head against the wall until she was dead (after breaking down her apartment door). In an egregious example of the need for a reality check (or at least a closed mouth) his attorney stated that this was just a "tragic accident". Really? Everyone's entitled to adequate representation, but must that consist of farfetched scenarios? Save it for the courtroom!
• In Chicago recently, 2 young women were viciously attacked with a baseball bat and robbed (one is still critical). A man and woman were arrested after brilliantly using the victims' credit and ATM cards. The alleged bat wielder has been denied bond while his female accomplice (who drove the car and rifled the 2 purses) is sitting in jail on $1,000,000 bond. The father of this 25 year old miscreant gave an interview in which he stated that she shouldn't be incarcerated because she didn't take her meds that day (?) and she is the mother of 2 small children, the father of whom is not the alleged perpetrator with whom she was out drinking until 3 AM. Here's the reality check, mister-- your daughter's a piece of garbage and can we please stop blaming "not taking meds" for every bad thing that happens. Do we need a law that requires everyone to take their meds (how could we monitor)?

Reality is not always pleasant--a lot easier to wallow in fantasy.