24

Naturally, the number 24 is very significant in our daily lives. The ubiquitous term "24/7" can't be avoided as in "our staff is on call 24/7 to serve you" which often means you can reach a robot or someone in Calcutta whenever you desire. And of course there's the popular Fox series "24" which depicts a different hour of the same day spread out over a 24 week TV season. But TNB has unearthed an even more relevant example of just how important this number is to all of us.

Hard to believe but this coming Tuesday, May 20 will mark the beginning of the last 24 weeks of the presidential campaign. Yes, only 168 more days to be assaulted with campaign rhetoric, TV ads (just wait until October), debates, editorials , etc. Now that it appears (still not certain on the Democratic side) that it will be McCain vs. Obama, attention is turning towards the possible vice presidential choices. The pundits suggest someone to "balance the ticket" (as a CPA in his day job TNB loves for things to be in balance). The VP must be from a different part of the country, be either older or younger than the respective presidential nominees, have appeal to a somewhat different constituency and of course be "qualified" to assume the presidency if need be.

Mike Huckabee had been mentioned as a possibility for the Republicans until he chewed off his toes with a remark to the NRA about maybe someone shooting Obama. We don't need this kind of "humor". So why not, as they say, shouldn't McCain think "out of the box" (a very strange term, if you think about it)? Why not someone who fits the above criteria and has been frequently mentioned as a VP possibility? Yes, Hillary !!! Considering the actuarial tables, she probably has a better chance of fulfilling her destiny as McCain's running mate, rather than Obamas. And speaking of consituencies, she could easily bring along the toothless, obese, racist ("I'd never vote for that darky") vote that she apparently appeals to in Appalachia and perhaps elsewhere.

The Bottom Line

The disturbing economic news of the day has few silver linings. Everyone seems to be hurting, what with gas prices at $4 per gallon and rising food, tuition and other costs at all time highs, depressed housing markets and foreclosures all over the news and (gasp!) even some hedge fund managers and CEO's of certain major companies seeing their often obscene bonuses reduced to merely profane. In addition, there are all the chain store closings and layoffs. Of course, the rebate checks are coming!!!

Since, as most of you know, TNB has spent his pre-literary career in the business world, primarily as an auditor, he feels the compelling need to explain many of the complex, technical and arcane terms regarding business and the economy that might be confusing. Auditors are taught to exercise healthy skepticism in their dealings with clients and others. It's not a stretch for some of you to perceive that the slightly sarcastic attitude of this blog is a result of such "healthy "skepticism having a few medical issues. So, in the spirit of such cynicism (healthy or otherwise) following are several important terms you need to understand:

• We're Going In A Different Direction This isn't, as you might expect, heading to the North Pole when the South Pole was your destination. This generally means "you're fired" (very indirect for say Donald Trump) or we've chosen another supplier, product, location or whatever. Why be direct when a euphemism makes you feel better?
• We've Met Our Targeted Expectations When results are poor, companies often claim that despite regrouping, retrenchment, political upheaval in some obscure foreign country or perhaps global warming, they at least achieved the (extremely modest) amounts that had been predicted. Of course, these excuses can't last too long before the executives of the company in question are asked to go in a different direction.
• We Haven't Seen The Lawsuit Yet When particularly embarrassing litigation or worse yet criminal action has been brought against a company it's always better to delay comments until the "spin doctors" (see post of April 28) can get their act together. Then they'll probably state "we believe this action to be without merit and intend to fight it vigorously", which means that we'll stall indefinitely and hope for a reasonable settlement or for the legal fees to ruin the other side.
• We Are Focused On The Bottom Line This sometimes means simply that a company hopes that its net income (reported on the bottom line of its operating statement) will be well above "targeted expectations" (see above) or conversely its net loss (same bottom line) won't be too unexplainable, even by a spin doctor. Or it may mean that the company's entire criterion for success is such bottom line, even at the risk of say polluting the environment or producing inferior or harmful products. Watch the bottom line, measure it accurately (that's the auditor talking) but don't be obsessed by it.

Page Six

Although The Normal Blog is known far and wide (!) for its high level of intellectual discourse, there has been a clamor (OK one person) for at least one downmarket issue (or post--see below) covering the celebrity kinks and foibles everyone really cares about. So emulating the famous Page Six gossip coverage of the New York Post (actually it's usually found on page 8 or 10) we will give TNB's comments on the following pressing matters:

Miley Cyrus and the Vanity Fair photo-- With all the adults supposedly outraged over 15 year old tween heroine Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana baring her shoulder and her green bra strap, you would think Disney's billion dollar franchise was being threatened by an outbreak of acne or something among their core audience of 6 to 14 year old girls. Surprisingly to those of you who perceive TNB as a Gen Xer in real life he has, among other grandchildren, girls 6, 8 and 11, all devoted fans who are possibly in mortal danger of being offended by the provocative Annie Leibowitz shot. Or are they? None of them are even aware of the controversy, probably sparked by the magazine or the movie studio for some great free publicity.

Roger Clemens and the Country Singer--So the famous Texas born pitcher, HGH spokesperson and darling of fawning GOP congressmen is alleged to have had an affair with a 15 year old (now grown into a 32 year old in drug rehab, but I digress). TNB is only concerned that she wasn't one of the dozens of vulnerable teenagers, most of whom are regularly pregnant by their brothers or uncles or someone similar, from the infamous polygamy compound. Roger didn't have to sink that low, did he?

Barbara Walters and Edward Brooke--No big surprise that in order to sell more copies of her upcoming autobiography (carefully edited, of course), Barbara disclosed a long ago affair with then married Edward Brooke, who interestingly was the last black man elected to the US Senate prior to you know who. This should dispel that canard about bad relations between Jews and African-Americans. Apparently, their relations were OK (wait for the book!). TNB really misses the late, great Gilda Radner with her devastating impressiom of Barbara WaWa.

After an entire post has been devoted to the trashy tabloid stories of the day, feel secure that in the future TNS will once again take the moral high ground.

Spin

One of the many accepted definitions of the word "spin" is to impart information with a favorable interpretation. When you think about it, we all engage in spinning of this sort throughout our lives . As children we might say "the dog ate my homework (or perhaps today disconnected the internet)", as teens it might be "but I really love you" and on college and employment applications a sort of "robust" resume might be included. Some would call these lies (little white or otherwise), others might describe them as harmless exaggerations or just doing what everyone else does. But really they're early forms of Spin.

But the real, professional, serious Spin occurs not only in say the business world with unsupported marketing and advertising claims but of course in politics. No matter what, there's a favorable interpretation immediately available of the results of an election, a poll, a debate, a gaffe, an endorsement. You name it. If the candidate does poorly, he or she was the underdog anyway and has certainly exceeded expectations. This only makes sense sometimes if expectations are for a complete failure. Nobody admits that in advance.

It's really curious that the most expert practitioners of this are known as "Spin Doctors"because another accepted definition of "spin" is to give a sensation of dizziness. After the interminable primary season, are you as dizzy as The Normal Blogger? If only the "Spin Doctors" could prescribe something. Probably, the side effects would be horrible (like watching John McCain try to bond with poor blacks) and in any event we'd have to "ask our doctor" (the real one).

This and That

Did you know that after Dick Cheney (!) the current Presidential succession consists of, in order, a sixtyish white woman, an aged Senator and an African-American with a strange first name? No, not Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama. How about (really) Nancy Pelosi, Robert Byrd (very aged) and Condoleezza Rice. If the latter three were the candidates, could it get any more depressing? The latest Democratic debate certainly was incisive and enlightening, wasn't it? Instead of the surrogates (Geraldine Ferraro, etc.) making the gaffes it's the contenders themselves. But do these offhand remarks really provide any evidence on fitness to lead the nation, which is rapidly becoming obsessed with sound bites instead of substance.

Just when the primary season might actually be winding down, last Fall's TV writers strike has inadvertently come to the rescue. Most of the scripted shows (Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc.) have been on hiatus, meaning reruns, but thankfully they're all returning. Their outrageous plots are certainly no more bizarre than today's headlines (e.g., pregnant man). And how about the polygamy sect in Texas? There was an HBO series last year called Big Love that might have been based on this real life drama. One of the wives, played by Chloe Sevigny, had a hairdo identical to the women in this sect. The next fashion craze?

Diehard baseball fans are breathlessly awaiting the return this season of three involuntarily retired superstars with lots of baggage--Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa. If none of them gets a contract offer, they'll all be first timers on the 2013 Hall of Fame ballot. Could be interesting.

Sports of Sorts

Honestly, how many Americans seriously care about the quadrennial Summer Olympics? About as many as who are passionate about the World Cup of football (soccer to us Yanks). We care about American football, basketball, baseball (see below) even NASCAR over the Olympics. Quick, name some gold medal winners from the 2004 Athens games. But NBC has paid $900 million for the rights to the upcoming Beijing games and has signed up a bunch of increasingly nervous sponsors to bring us many hours of taped results (available real time on the Internet and elsewhere). The sponsors are nervous because once again politics has raised its ugly head (remember Moscow 1980?) pushing drug tests into the background. Caused by protests of China's abysmal human rights record (Tibet, Darfur) but curiously not their penchant for exporting defective and poisoned goods, the torch relay has been interrupted in San Francisco as well as London and Paris. This relay originated not with the ancient Greeks but as part of the infamous 1936 Berlin games. Worse yet, British PM Gordon Brown won't attend the opening ceremonies. Probably President Bush will attend recognizing who exactly owns our country.

Baseball is back and a certain team is attempting to celebrate the centennial of William Howard Taft's election as president by winning the World Series (even getting into it would be the first time since Harry Truman's initial year). All this excitement, coupled with 15 major league games played almost daily provides enormous material for that weird form of verbal blogger known as the caller to sports talk radio. If that's possible, most of these men (there are few females) are less informed and more opinionated than us "real" bloggers. Of course, the callers don't run the same risk as some of the professional bloggers, that is actually keeling over from the stress of coming up with daily or hourly blogs. Unfortunately, even a few deaths have been reported. Don't worry-- the Normal Blogger is certainly not stressed out, and certainly won't be until five or ten thousand people are totally dependent on this blog for unusually perceptive information.

The Entertainment Scene

Once the Democratic race is finally over (but don't count out Hillary yet) what are the late night comedians going to do for topical jokes? Can you expect there to be another Eliot Spitzer or Larry Craig to provide daily material? Probably yes, which is what makes our country great! Out of desperation, I've noticed that even poor George W. is being used to fill the insatiable need for someone to make fun of. Is there no end to the same old, same old jokes about Bush 43? Everyone has the message already. Let's move on to some new targets. Any candidates?

Some readers of the Normal Blog (there aren't very many--yet) feel that the comments about John Adams were unfair to him. But blame HBO and Paul Giamatti for portraying him as totally lacking in personality and charm, unlike his wife Abigail. Contrast him with his opposite number (sort of) on Sunday night on Showtime--- Henry VIII in The Tudors. Now there was a stud, not a dud. Of course, he did have a few of his wives executed, but hey, those were different times. Even the sex on The Tudors is graphic, not discreet as in the Adams household (maybe because John and Abigail apparently never frolicked in the woods with only their horses nearby).

Israel was criticized in some movie circles for not entering The Band's Visit as their official entry for Best Foreign Language Film at the 2007 Oscars. But, after seeing it, I can understand why. Although it's subtitled in entirety, it's primarily spoken in English with some Hebrew and Arabic. By the way, it's an excellent film and you'll love the luminous Israeli actress, Ronit Elkabatz. Speaking of multilanguage movies, there's also the current The Year My Parents Went on Vacation, mostly in Portuguese but with some Yiddish. A very unusual combination.