Who's Sorry Now

Is there anything sorrier and less meaningful than the seemingly rote apologies that are forthcoming almost hourly from public figures, mostly prompted by their PR people or "image consultants"?

Often of course we're talking about a politician, entertainer or athlete who's sorry over some sexual or financial indiscretion (actually sorry about being caught). But there are other types of apologies being made, such as the following recent examples:

• Bill O'Reilly-- Sorry about his role in the Shirley Sherrod USDA firing scandal (not to mention Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, sorry for his role in same scandal ). Hasn't President Obama also expressed his regret (he should!).
• Glenn Beck-- Truth be told, he should apologize for just existing. His latest "I'm sorry" resulted from his calling Chicago Bears star Brian Urlacher a "neo-Nazi" based on a shaved head picture of the linebacker Beck saw in something called "The Blackest White People" (honestly). Beck admits to knowing nothing about sports, but stopped short of admitting he's a 100% idiot.
• Mark Kirk--The Illinois senatorial candidate (and 5 term GOP Congressman from TNB's home district) has spent the Summer constantly apologizing for frequent revelations of how, over the years, he has significantly embellished his resume, particularly but not only as it pertains to his military service. Actually, business recruiters, among others, are all too painfully aware of just how how insidious the practice of "resume padding" has become.

Americans, sad to say, are extremely forgiving (and gullible) and too many insincere "I'm sorry" declarations are readily accepted instead of being treated for what most really are--self-serving, glib "let's get this over with" pronouncements, deserving of sneers, not cheers.

Bum of the Month

It's only halfway through July and TNB is feeling overwhelmed by an extraordinary number of candidates to be considered for Bum of the Month. If you're wondering, this a highly sought honor, because not just any garden variety sleaze can qualify. How about this (partial) list:

• Mel Gibson No big surprise that the anti-Semitic drunken ravings of a few years ago (he's the son of a famous Holocaust denier) have been updated to include apparent physical and mental abuse of his ex-girlfriend/ mother of his 8th child, not to mention more racial rants. Please don't tell TNB that there's still a place in the movie industry for this POS (a term that Cubs manager Lou Piniella used about a year ago on another Bum--Milton Bradley)?
• Rush Limbaugh Actually, Rush could be a viable candidate just about any month. Remember when he asked a black caller on the air if she had a bone in her nose? But the old pill-popper has outdone himself with his "eulogy" for George Steinbrenner (no saint himself) wherein he called him a "cracker" who made many African-Americans multimillionares (it's OK of course for "good ole boys" like Rush to make obscene amounts for poisoning so many gullible minds).
• LeBron James/ Dan Gilbert/Jesse Jackson It was bad enough that the supremely narcissistic James conned ESPN (which got great ratings despite or perhaps because of the bad publicity) into an hour-long love fest wherein he finally made the breathless announcement of where "he's taking his talents to" next season. Then Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, acting rather petulant and childish, blasted James for deserting the ship. But leaving no PR opportunity unturned, there was Jesse Jackson, complaining that Gilbert acted like his prized "runaway slave" had gone. Considering the dollars involved and that James' contribution to the well-being of most Americans is next to nil, TNB is feeling a huge disconnect with what's really important.
• Rod Blagojevich Another perpetual candidate who might be off the charts soon, although (you read it here first) he could escape conviction since the evidence presented at his trial by the prosecution has not shown blatant criminality--only the character defects of ignorance, arrogance, vanity, greed, etc. that should have been painfully obvious from the start. We get the leaders we deserve, it is said. But hey, what did we do wrong to get him (along with dozens of others that could be named)?

If anyone has another candidate for Bum of the Month that could equal this group, let TNB know before July ends and we have to start all over.

Happy Mid Year

These days it seems like so much is happening (partially a result of the information explosion which transmits news of all sorts instantaneously) that it no longer is appropriate to have just a year-end summary. Indeed why not such a summary at mid year which of course is now here? This way, you might recall some of the following events:

Still in the News:

• The Oil Spill. It's not improbable that unfortunately this will still be a major story at the end of the year (of course November's midterm elections are huge). Few heroes but many losers!

Pretty Much Forgotten:

• The Haitian Earthquake. Now that it's been supplanted by all things BP, does anyone care what has happened to the beleagured Haitian people? Sadly, yesterday's tragedy du jour.
• Tiger Woods. Not much coverage anymore especially since he has failed to excel on his return to competitive golf. And then of course there's Jesse James (no, not the outlaw) and others to keep the tabloid fires burning.
• Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien. Why was so much made of one multimillionaire late night star pushing another one off the air temporarily? In more ways than one, much ado about nothing.
• The Winter Olympics. Quick, name 3 medal winners. OK, there's Apollo Ohno, Lindsay Vonn and let me think awhile. Interesting entertainment for a few weeks but egregiously overpromoted by NBC, which lost a small fortune televising the Games. But the lead-ins to their regular programming! WOW!
• The Implosion Of Toyota. Unbelievable damage to a respected brand, with the result that Toyota recently erected a huge sign at Wrigley Field, home of another formerly respected brand--the Chicago Cubs.

After laboriously churning out this summary, TNB will now go out and celebrate Mid Years Eve in the traditional fashion--joining other like minded revelers (grateful that they've survived another six months) for a nightcap. That is, if anything's open past 10 PM.

Joe the Oil Apologist

Remember way back in 2008 when Joe the Plumber burst onto the scene and was quickly anointed a hero by John McCain and Fox News? Turned out of course that he was neither "Joe" nor a working plumber but his temporary elevation to cult status probably to some extent presaged the rise of the so-called Tea Party. BTW, do you ever wonder if say Joe Biden were President whether the Tea Party rhetoric would be so vicious? Just saying.

Anyway, back to our latest Joe hero--actually named Joe Barton. He's the Republican congressman from Texas, long financed by the oil industry, who's the ranking minority member on the House Energy Committee (he'll be chairman if the Republicans win the House in November). At today's Committee hearing called to publicly excoriate BP CEO Tony Hayward, Joe briefly stole the show when he "apologized" to Hayward for yesterday's White House "shakedown" (Joe's words) whereby BP agreed to forego its 2010 dividend and place $20 billion in an escrow fund to compensate victims (those "small people" as called by BP's Chairman the other day!) of the Gulf of Mexico spill.


After both Democrats (no surprise) and the Republican leadership (doing damage control) disavowed Joe's remarks, Joe spent the afternoon retracting his earlier "apology", in effect apologizing for it. He, of course had been threatened with having his seniority rights stripped away, a fate second only to losing his oil industry donations. After all the "spin" cleared what remained was the absolute certainty that Joe really meant it all along--and he's hardly the only "oil apologist"in the Republican ranks. Had the spill gone West, towards Texas, instead of heading East, TNB wonders what apology Joe would have uttered.


What is it with the name Joe anyway? During the last State of the Union address, President Obama was heckled from the House floor by previously obscure GOP representative Joe Wilson of Georgia who promptly raked in millions in donations. Is there any doubt that this a great country? TNB may change his name to "Joe the Blogger"--guaranteed to be a winner.

Don't Whistle at Night

When TNB's hometown Chicago Blackhawks won their conference final the other day, a brand new superstition was revealed to him. Athletes are notoriously superstitious but TNB was surprised (this was first conference final win for Blackhawks since 1992) that their captain, Jonathan Toews, refused on national television to touch the trophy awarded to the winning team for fear that this would jinx them in the upcoming Stanley Cup finals.

While this might sound extreme, it's worth noting that most everyone, no matter how intelligent and educated, still harbors certain superstitions which are really the irrational beliefs that unseen forces control one's fate or certain events usually with a negative effect. Many of these notions of course go back to childhood and have been passed down from generation to generation ("old wives' tales"). Consider some examples:

Those Indicating Bad Luck:

• Spilling Salt
• Black Cat Crossing Your Path
• The Number 13 (You'll never find a 13th floor in a hotel or office building)
• Walking Under a Ladder
• Breaking a Mirror
• Opening an Umbrella Indoors

Those Indicating Good Luck (or at least some chance):

• Rabbit's Foot
• Knocking on Wood
• Crossing Your Fingers
• Blessing Someone Who Has Sneezed
• Breaking a Turkey Wishbone

Honestly, don't you believe, at least subconsciously in some of the above? Hopefully, you're not obsessed with most of the above (or others). TNB will confess that he has one phobia (recently acquired, but it makes "sense").

TNB follows the maxim "Don't Whistle at Night". It is a "scientific fact" (unlike all of the foregoing superstitions) that if you do, it will bring out the snakes who might bite. References will be furnished on request.

Who Can You Believe

Many years ago (when TNB was a youth) people generally believed in institutions such as schools, churches and synagogues, banks, the government and so on. Also, perhaps naively, most of us believed in doctors, lawyers, teachers, clergymen, bankers and public officials. How times have changed! Although of course there still are believable individuals and entities, we have all become so skeptical and cynical that it is fair to ask "Who Can You Believe?"

For example, just about no one today believes or admires politicians. If they are not lying about their background (see Connecticut Atty. Gen. Richard Blumenthal's fake Vietnam service record), they are hypocritically trumpeting their non-existent "family values" (see South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, Indiana Rep. Mark Souder, etc. etc.). And then there's former Illinois Gov. Rod ("the Hair") Blagojevich who can't be believed about anything, although it remains to be seen just how gullible his soon-to-be-selected jurors are.

Our religious institutions don't have the same aura they once did, at least partially because all too many in the clergy have been exposed as all too human. Incredibly, some teachers have shown that they can't be trusted with children. And although it was always a good idea to "trust but verify" when entering into business transactions, in recent years it has almost been impossible (or impossibly stupid) to trust anyone (see Bernard Madoff, Goldman Sachs, Toyota, BP et al) when investing your life savings or just buying a car or assuming that large corporations won't ruin the environment.

In this atmosphere what can one do to retain some belief in the world around us? Probably the best solution is to get immersed in make believe (commercials, reality shows, Sarah Palin). They're just as believable as anything else and perhaps a little more amusing.

And then--if all else fails, you can believe in TNB. Never lied to you!

Reality Check

A reality check usually describes an occasion or event in which one is reminded of the state of things in the real world as contrasted to what exists in one's mind (often purposely or sincerely confused). TNB hereby offers to become head of the "reality check" police, or sort of a reality nanny. If such a position were in operation, there would be prompt daily accountability for all instances in which reality has been suspended. Some examples of the need for immediate reality checks follow:

• The apprehension of the alleged Times Square bomber turned up a naturalized American citizen who recently visited his Pakistani homeland and spent 5 months at a Taliban camp. Since he already had an MBA in the U.S. it is doubtful that he was there for additional finance classes. Despite all the apparent hard evidence against him (and his confession), a relative back home was quoted as claiming the arrest was part of an American "conspiracy" to justify bombings of the Taliban strongholds. It's obviously time for a major reality check. We know what you're up to over there and all the BS you can spew can't obliterate the facts.
• A University of Virginia lacrosse player was arrested for killing his 22 year old ex-girlfriend (a star of the women's lacrosse team ) by continually shaking her and pounding her head against the wall until she was dead (after breaking down her apartment door). In an egregious example of the need for a reality check (or at least a closed mouth) his attorney stated that this was just a "tragic accident". Really? Everyone's entitled to adequate representation, but must that consist of farfetched scenarios? Save it for the courtroom!
• In Chicago recently, 2 young women were viciously attacked with a baseball bat and robbed (one is still critical). A man and woman were arrested after brilliantly using the victims' credit and ATM cards. The alleged bat wielder has been denied bond while his female accomplice (who drove the car and rifled the 2 purses) is sitting in jail on $1,000,000 bond. The father of this 25 year old miscreant gave an interview in which he stated that she shouldn't be incarcerated because she didn't take her meds that day (?) and she is the mother of 2 small children, the father of whom is not the alleged perpetrator with whom she was out drinking until 3 AM. Here's the reality check, mister-- your daughter's a piece of garbage and can we please stop blaming "not taking meds" for every bad thing that happens. Do we need a law that requires everyone to take their meds (how could we monitor)?

Reality is not always pleasant--a lot easier to wallow in fantasy.