Rahm Emanuel for President

Way back in 2008, both candidates vying for the Democratic presidential nomination had strong Chicago ties--Hillary Rodham Clinton, born in Chicago, raised in the suburbs and Barack Obama, born in Honolulu (really!) but who had spent his adult life here. Now with things going poorly, TNB is offering up another (lifelong) Chicagoan as a possible nominee (yes in 2012) for President--namely Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Consider his positives:

• Extensive and intensive experience--Three term Congressman (succeeded Rod Blagojevich!) and White House Chief of Staff (under Obama) before becoming mayor.


• Enormous appeal to Jewish voters (and donors)--historically Democratic but many leaning away from Obama because of mistaken impression that he is anti-Israel (Rahm's father born there).


• Most importantly-- has a documented record of being a relentless, tough, sometimes nasty politician who unlike Obama and Clinton has the required cojones needed to deal with the Tea Party and other crazies in this world (Hillary's lack of course is only biological).

Wait a minute--is TNB suggesting a divisive primary fight? Not at all--TNB's master plan is for Obama to voluntarily become Mayor of Chicago (never mind the details). What a great job for him--no mean Republicans to deal with (not in Chicago), lunch every day at Manny's, getting back to his lovely house (no idiotic renter to get rid of) only a stone's throw from the University of Chicago, where maybe he could at least part-time resume his academic career. Speaking of the U. of C., their lab school would do just fine for Malia and Sasha (Rahm's kids are enrolled there now).

Talk about a win-win situation. Odds, anyone?

Our Long National Nightmare

In August 1974 when Gerald Ford became President succeeding Richard Nixon (who resigned in disgrace from the Watergate scandal) he uttered the profound words "Our long national nightmare is over". And it generally was, save for Ford's subsequent pardon of Nixon.

Today when the latest national nightmare, the absurd, unnecessary battle over the simple act of raising the debt ceiling came to at least a pause, TNB recalled Ford's words realizing that this catastrophe is far from over. Consider:

• President Obama has been badly damaged by the revelation to even his most ardent supporters that while a fundamentally decent man (albeit of color) he is unable to stand up to the nasties (read: crazies) in the Republican Party. His 2012 reelection hopes rest squarely on 3 things--the economy, which lamebrain is his opponent (there are several perfect choices) and the economy.


• Republican House Speaker John Boehner (likewise probably a decent person) has been humiliated and gravely wounded by the extremists in his own party, thus making his future effectiveness also doubtful. Don't even mention his #2 (Eric Cantor) to TNB-- he often sounds like he's still giving his bar mitzvah speech.


• These nasty, crazy extremists (read: Tea Party) have managed to hold the U.S. government hostage to their "little or no government" platform. If their goal is to return this country to the actual Tea Party era (circa 1773), why not just go to colonial Williamsburg for a full costume re-enactment of those glory days? They really don't quite cut it in 2011 but they bizarrely have their followers. Scary!

Looks like a lot of bad dreams coming up for all of us. And TNB thought it was depressing being a Cubs fan.

Anglophiles

Anglophiles are people (mostly Americans) who greatly admire the British people, culture, customs, etc. And of course there is a lot to admire, but we do often tend to carry this fondness a bit too far. For example, people with English accents are often presumed to be at least one station above us Yanks. Some years ago, a lawyer acquaintance of TNB told him that his law firm could not fire an incompetent receptionist because her English accent greatly impressed their clients. Admit it! You subconsciously attribute some level of superiority to anyone speaking in those clipped British tones--or for that matter, using spelling like colour, centre, labour, etc. which sets them apart from the rest of us, who barely know how to use a knife and fork (differently, naturally) and drive on the left side of the road.

Then also of course there's the royal family, consisting generally of empty-headed, inbred individuals who while providing a sort of diversion from reality, hardly warrant the celebrity worship that we in the United States insist on lavishing on them (see: recent visit of William and Kate).

It is thus with a sense of schadenfreude (OK, so it's a German word meaning taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune) that TNB, and maybe some of you, have been following the fascinating news of the well-deserved troubles of the Murdoch media empire in the UK, resulting from hacking the phones of missing teenagers and families of military casualties and terrorist victims (not to mention the run-of-the-mill royals, government officials and other prominent people), bribing of police for scoops, intimidation of politicians, etc. After decades of enabling the scumbag British tabloid culture to flourish, sad to say, maybe our friends across the pond deserve a little black eye--maybe they won't be so smug about their former colonies.

And naturally this couldn't happen here; oh but wait a minute ---Murdoch does own Fox News who while not in the same league as the now defunct News of the World certainly attempts to intimidate politicians (read: Democrats) who don't agree with their right-wing politics. And also there's Murdoch's New York Post, a pale imitation of its UK siblings. They do get some unusual scoops (some of it is obviously made up).

Those Lefty Liberals

It's a source of constant amazement to TNB that the word "liberal" has become synonomous in some (read: Republican) circles with far-out, anti-American, godless creatures who eat their young when not turning into vampires at night. After all, the word only means someone who is open to new opinions and favorable to invididual rights and freedoms. But especially when paired with "lefty", the term is a rallying cry for the Real Americans (read: Tea Party) who want to "take back our country" (read: suppress minorities, eliminate a woman's right to choose, peer into every bed to make sure two people from the same gender are not occupying it, etc.).

In fact people who really are liberal are reluctant to use the term which has been generally replaced by the softer "progressive" which still of course rankles those who haven't come to grips that we're in 2011, not say 1911 when times were a lot simpler ( except for many of our immigrant forefathers who around that time weren't considered real Americans either).

Don't you wonder why the word "conservative" meaning adhering to traditional attitudes and cautious about change doesn't have the same negative connotation among people with opposite political views? Maybe the latter, being (OK here it comes) "liberal" just are nicer and more open-minded. OR maybe the lefties ought to resort to some nasty name-calling.

Why not start calling these people what they really are--fascists which is defined as those who hold extreme, intolerant views? But this won't happen. The Seven Little Dwarfs (oops--the announced Republican presidential candidates) will attack President Obama as a socialist and worse (see: Newt Gingrich). The Democrats will never resort in kind (see: Swift Boating, Willie Horton and other GOP election viciousness).

Unfortunately too many liberals just don't have the balls --Wait a minute, there is Anthony Weiner.

Vest On Fire

After beleagured Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel was forced to resign due to disclosure of a series of his lies and cover-ups concerning certain off-field behavior by some of his players, fans of archrival Michigan paid to erect a billboard (in Michigan of course) which stated in large red Ohio State letters "Liar Liar Vest on Fire", which was both a play on the childhood taunt "liar liar pants on fire" and a mocking of the trademark red vest always exhibited by Tressel. [Full disclosure: several members of TNB's family are ardent Michigan fans, and of course that school, along with Southern Cal, Auburn, Connecticut, etc. has had its share of bad behavior--often by sanctimonious, hypocritical head coaches--sort of an occupational hazard].

Big-time college sports, of course, is totally out of control, being "policed" by the incredibly ineffectual NCAA, which among other things, permitted 6 of Tressel's star players to play in this year's Sugar Bowl (after being pressured by the Bowl organizers) despite being suspended for part of next season for the very infractions that eventually led to Tressel's downfall. Just in case you're wondering what these huge revenue producing sports mean to universities (besides providing a "healthy learning environment" for the so-called student-athletes), you may be surprised that a few months ago during the Tressel investigation, Ohio State President Gordon Gee, when asked if he was going to fire the head coach replied "I hope he doesn't dismiss me" (honestly!). Gee's salary is $2 million compared to Tressel's now former compensation of $4 million but hey who brings in more money? (The president doesn't have any endorsements either).

Isn't it comforting to parents who cough up 50 grand or so per year for their child's education (or to students who need to borrow big sums) to realize that the most important "educator" is often the head football coach? Are our priorities screwed up or what?

Anyway, so that we don't all quickly forget whatever lessons might be taken away from this incident, TNB is establishing the Vest on Fire award, to be given annually to the biggest liar among public figures such as politicians, coaches, TV pundits and just about anybody well-known. Early nominees include Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rod Blagojevich, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin and Tiger Woods. Jim Tressel is ineligible.

The Ugly Frenchman

The term Ugly American gained notoriety some years ago when it was generally used to refer to overbearing American tourists who didn't know how to properly conduct themselves overseas, especially in the postwar years when visiting the "more sophisticated " European countries, such as France (which of course we Yanks and our British friends saved from having to Sprechen Sie Deutsch forever).

Although France is inarguably a great place to see, the experience there is often spoiled by having to deal with the locals--sort of an entire population of Ugly Frenchmen, many of whom are rude and arrogant, not to mention guilty of the most disgusting habits such as "irregular" bathing, letting dogs poop up the sidewalks, revering Jerry Lewis, etc. But these sociological or cultural differences represented mostly harmless quirks (unless you're in an elevator with a Parisian on a hot day) until this week when mon dieu we Americans, in our simpleminded pursuit of justice, managed to offend the entire French nation.

Our sin? We dared to arrest a powerful French politician and (until yesterday) head of the International Monetary Fund, one Dominique Strauss-Kahn, known in his home country as DSK. Considered a leading (Socialist!) candidate to defeat President Sarkozy in the next election, DSK who was arrested for raping an African immigrant chambermaid in the Sofitel Hotel in Manhattan, recently told a French interviewer that his three main obstacles to becoming President were his wealth, his love of women (twice divorced and quite the alleged serial seducer) and his Jewishness.

At least in New York City , there haven't been any accusations of anti-Semitism in his jailing. But his sleazebag American lawyer (infamous for representing sleazebag celebs like Michael Jackson) has come up with a number of defenses trying to secure bail for DSK, while trying of course to shift blame to the victim,. Let's try consensual sex, a lunch date DSK had with his daughter (at the same time?), a set up by Sarkozy's people (using an uneducated 32 year old from Guinea??), etc. Gotta love his lawyer's imagination.

But putting all that aside, the real revelation has been the attitude of many Frenchmen, including portions of their media. How dare we uncivilized Americans march DSK in a photographed perp walk, lock him up in Rikers Island with "scum", offer him "bad food" and so on? In France, the high and mighty aren't treated this way. A discreet payoff --l'affaire is forgotten. TNB had almost forgotten just how Ugly Frenchmen could be until their media revealed the name of the poor victim--something we generally don't do here. Who's Ugly anyway??

Well Handled Sir

On Saturday evening April 30th, during what turned out to be the most satisfying week of the Obama presidency, the President appeared as is customary, at the annual White House Correspondents dinner. Despite what he and relatively few others knew was scheduled to occur within 24 hours in Pakistan, Obama appeared extremely relaxed as he positively skewered the "carnival barker" Donald Trump, windbag self-promoter and would be presidential candidate. Obama addressed the Donald, sitting grim faced in the audience, by stating how "impressed " he was with his presidential credentials, citing the tough decision he faced, no doubt keeping him up nights, as to whom to fire from his failed men's cooking team, before settling on hapless Gary Busey. Obama told Trump, with more than a hint of sarcasm , "well handled, sir".

As a fitting irony, the next night just as Trump's idiotic "reality" show Celebrity Apprentice was droning on to its climax it (and all other TV fare) was interrupted for the President's dramatic announcement of the killing of Osama Bin Laden. So in one weekend, Trump was shown to be totally irrelevant, which of course he always was.

Subsequently as more details became known about the operation, it finally put to rest (or should have) this idea put forth by the GOP (Grossly Obnoxious People) that Obama was some sort of indecisive wimp, unlike his cowboy predecessor whose apologists of course rushed to expound that it was really Bush who deserves most of the credit (?). Of course, since Obama is black it's not possible in the minds of an unfortunately sizable minority of Americans that he could possibly be effective (see: the birther nonsense).

In reality Obama is cautious and thorough whereas Bush was prone to rush to judgment (see: Iraq). TNB is very glad that we have this high quality individual as our President.

Well handled, sir!