Dream Matchups

• After several weeks of blog inactivity, partially caused by a bad computer crash (watch out for viruses embedded in mysterious E-Mails) TNB is pleased to report that some semblance of order has come to the race for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. During this period we have witnessed the rise and fall (self imposed) of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie who went from a somewhat obscure hugely overweight obnoxious politician to a much better known hugely overweight obnoxious politician. Christie has just endorsed Mitt Romney who has done more flips than an Olympic gymnast on a woman's right to choose, health care and just about anything else that might endear him to the far, far right wing.
  
  Also during this time, Rick Perry has slipped greatly, partially because he has had to speak and not just swagger --OMG it's another George W. Bush, his predecessor as Texas governor. Maybe Texas can merge with Mexico to whom of course they once belonged. Probably Perry was not helped by the "shocking" revelation that his family once operated a ranch named Niggerhead. This has helped the inexplicable rise of Herman Cain who just might be the most inept of all the GOP candidates, which is saying something when the field includes Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann.
  
  TNB, the ultimate cynic as you all know, cannot fathom that there could really be a race between Cain and Barack Obama. Although when you think of it, this potential All-Black contest might just be a sort of "dream matchup". And if you really think about it (and have a mind as strange as TNB) why not for example some other dream matchups:
  


• All-Jewish ---Rahm Emanuel vs. Eric Cantor. Can't you just anticipate that each of their bar mitzvah speeches will appear on the Internet along with a list of their "donors" back then, i.e. who gave them gifts? Scandalous!



• All-Trailer Trash---Hank Williams, Jr. vs. Sarah Palin. Even though neither one's a Democrat they do represent rednecks from both the South and North. And BTW, are you as fed up as TNB is with the trivialization of Hitler, one of history's Top Ten monsters? It seems as no insult is complete these days without comparing the insultee to Adolf Hitler. Disgusting!


• All-Outrageous Celebrity---Lady Gaga vs. Kim Kardashian. OK, neither one is even 35 years old but who cares? They would be perfect as politicians--despite their shallowness, the public is mesmerized. Nauseating!

Is this the best we can do? Sadly, the answer might be yes.

Goodnight Irene

Hurricane Irene, which wreaked devastating floods on the Mid-Atlantic and New England brought to mind the classic folk song Goodnight Irene, popularized some 60 years ago by the Weavers. While the unfortunate residents cleaning up are saying Goodnight Irene (and good riddance), TNB would like to add some other goodnights (and good riddances) to certain natural disasters we've had to endure:

• Goodnight Michele Is the end nearing for the pitiful presidential campaign of Michele Bachmann? Her latest gaffe, which blamed the hurricane (and the earlier East Coast earthquake) on God taking vengeance on Washington for "not listening"(????) reminds TNB that she is the only candidate so stupid that Sarah Palin actually looks good. A swift goodnight, please!


• Goodnight Dick Unfortunately Darth Vader Cheney is back-- this time with (of course) a self-serving memoir which he promised "would explode heads around Washington". Was he planning to shoot someone in the face again? TNB's major regret is that allegedly he offered his resignation three times in 2004 and W. did not have the courage to accept. As they used to close the old Laugh-In show "Say goodnight Dick".


• Goodnight Muammar They still can't find the two bit tyrant responsible for hundreds of American deaths among many others? There can't be that many hiding places in the Libyan desert. About time to give Col. Gaddafi a goodnight tuck-in he'll be able to cherish forever.

Irene goodnight, Irene goodnight---Goodnight Irene, Goodnight Irene

I'll See You In My Dreams

Who Can You Believe

A friend of TNB recently posed the rhetorical question "Who Can You Believe?" to which the joking response was TNB, of course. But pondering this dilemma makes one realize that, especially if you tend to be skeptical by nature (or by profession considering that TNB was trained as an auditor) there's really not a lot to put your faith in anymore if indeed there ever was. Consider the following:

• Job Creators--- It's very difficult to believe that slightly increasing taxes on the very wealthy will prevent them from "creating jobs". Huh? Many of these people are in the financial services world, where the amount of their income (before or after tax) has no bearing on their ability or desire to create jobs. When one thinks about it, how is it possible for any politician (even a Republican) to radically change the employment picture when so many jobs have been permanently lost to outsourcing, technology and other factors that we have permitted to occur over the last 20 years or so under both parties.



• College Athletics---It's very difficult to believe that big-time college football (and basketball, to a lesser extent) is practiced by "student-athletes " who are not tainted by payoffs and other forms of cheating. And what about their coaches and some of the university administrators? The dollars involved are so huge and the temptation to skirt the rules is so strong that it's a wonder when a school's program is shown to be totally "clean" (usually it's a loser).



• Government Paralysis---It's very difficult to believe that our governments at all levels will ever operate in the best interest of the people. The extreme polarization, unwillingness to compromise and total self absorption (where the primary concern is with re-election, including raising obscene amounts of cash) sadly make it unlikely that the citizenry will ever again trust in their elected officials. Check out the polls ranking Congress, for example.

Does all this sound utterly cynical? Probably so--but it is tempered by the occasional good news such as the remarkable advancement in the treatment of the dreaded ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), the overthrow of Muammar Ghaddafi and the Chicago Cubs firing of their general manager. Hope may not be springing eternal but there is still something to believe in.

Rahm Emanuel for President

Way back in 2008, both candidates vying for the Democratic presidential nomination had strong Chicago ties--Hillary Rodham Clinton, born in Chicago, raised in the suburbs and Barack Obama, born in Honolulu (really!) but who had spent his adult life here. Now with things going poorly, TNB is offering up another (lifelong) Chicagoan as a possible nominee (yes in 2012) for President--namely Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Consider his positives:

• Extensive and intensive experience--Three term Congressman (succeeded Rod Blagojevich!) and White House Chief of Staff (under Obama) before becoming mayor.


• Enormous appeal to Jewish voters (and donors)--historically Democratic but many leaning away from Obama because of mistaken impression that he is anti-Israel (Rahm's father born there).


• Most importantly-- has a documented record of being a relentless, tough, sometimes nasty politician who unlike Obama and Clinton has the required cojones needed to deal with the Tea Party and other crazies in this world (Hillary's lack of course is only biological).

Wait a minute--is TNB suggesting a divisive primary fight? Not at all--TNB's master plan is for Obama to voluntarily become Mayor of Chicago (never mind the details). What a great job for him--no mean Republicans to deal with (not in Chicago), lunch every day at Manny's, getting back to his lovely house (no idiotic renter to get rid of) only a stone's throw from the University of Chicago, where maybe he could at least part-time resume his academic career. Speaking of the U. of C., their lab school would do just fine for Malia and Sasha (Rahm's kids are enrolled there now).

Talk about a win-win situation. Odds, anyone?

Our Long National Nightmare

In August 1974 when Gerald Ford became President succeeding Richard Nixon (who resigned in disgrace from the Watergate scandal) he uttered the profound words "Our long national nightmare is over". And it generally was, save for Ford's subsequent pardon of Nixon.

Today when the latest national nightmare, the absurd, unnecessary battle over the simple act of raising the debt ceiling came to at least a pause, TNB recalled Ford's words realizing that this catastrophe is far from over. Consider:

• President Obama has been badly damaged by the revelation to even his most ardent supporters that while a fundamentally decent man (albeit of color) he is unable to stand up to the nasties (read: crazies) in the Republican Party. His 2012 reelection hopes rest squarely on 3 things--the economy, which lamebrain is his opponent (there are several perfect choices) and the economy.


• Republican House Speaker John Boehner (likewise probably a decent person) has been humiliated and gravely wounded by the extremists in his own party, thus making his future effectiveness also doubtful. Don't even mention his #2 (Eric Cantor) to TNB-- he often sounds like he's still giving his bar mitzvah speech.


• These nasty, crazy extremists (read: Tea Party) have managed to hold the U.S. government hostage to their "little or no government" platform. If their goal is to return this country to the actual Tea Party era (circa 1773), why not just go to colonial Williamsburg for a full costume re-enactment of those glory days? They really don't quite cut it in 2011 but they bizarrely have their followers. Scary!

Looks like a lot of bad dreams coming up for all of us. And TNB thought it was depressing being a Cubs fan.

Anglophiles

Anglophiles are people (mostly Americans) who greatly admire the British people, culture, customs, etc. And of course there is a lot to admire, but we do often tend to carry this fondness a bit too far. For example, people with English accents are often presumed to be at least one station above us Yanks. Some years ago, a lawyer acquaintance of TNB told him that his law firm could not fire an incompetent receptionist because her English accent greatly impressed their clients. Admit it! You subconsciously attribute some level of superiority to anyone speaking in those clipped British tones--or for that matter, using spelling like colour, centre, labour, etc. which sets them apart from the rest of us, who barely know how to use a knife and fork (differently, naturally) and drive on the left side of the road.

Then also of course there's the royal family, consisting generally of empty-headed, inbred individuals who while providing a sort of diversion from reality, hardly warrant the celebrity worship that we in the United States insist on lavishing on them (see: recent visit of William and Kate).

It is thus with a sense of schadenfreude (OK, so it's a German word meaning taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune) that TNB, and maybe some of you, have been following the fascinating news of the well-deserved troubles of the Murdoch media empire in the UK, resulting from hacking the phones of missing teenagers and families of military casualties and terrorist victims (not to mention the run-of-the-mill royals, government officials and other prominent people), bribing of police for scoops, intimidation of politicians, etc. After decades of enabling the scumbag British tabloid culture to flourish, sad to say, maybe our friends across the pond deserve a little black eye--maybe they won't be so smug about their former colonies.

And naturally this couldn't happen here; oh but wait a minute ---Murdoch does own Fox News who while not in the same league as the now defunct News of the World certainly attempts to intimidate politicians (read: Democrats) who don't agree with their right-wing politics. And also there's Murdoch's New York Post, a pale imitation of its UK siblings. They do get some unusual scoops (some of it is obviously made up).

Those Lefty Liberals

It's a source of constant amazement to TNB that the word "liberal" has become synonomous in some (read: Republican) circles with far-out, anti-American, godless creatures who eat their young when not turning into vampires at night. After all, the word only means someone who is open to new opinions and favorable to invididual rights and freedoms. But especially when paired with "lefty", the term is a rallying cry for the Real Americans (read: Tea Party) who want to "take back our country" (read: suppress minorities, eliminate a woman's right to choose, peer into every bed to make sure two people from the same gender are not occupying it, etc.).

In fact people who really are liberal are reluctant to use the term which has been generally replaced by the softer "progressive" which still of course rankles those who haven't come to grips that we're in 2011, not say 1911 when times were a lot simpler ( except for many of our immigrant forefathers who around that time weren't considered real Americans either).

Don't you wonder why the word "conservative" meaning adhering to traditional attitudes and cautious about change doesn't have the same negative connotation among people with opposite political views? Maybe the latter, being (OK here it comes) "liberal" just are nicer and more open-minded. OR maybe the lefties ought to resort to some nasty name-calling.

Why not start calling these people what they really are--fascists which is defined as those who hold extreme, intolerant views? But this won't happen. The Seven Little Dwarfs (oops--the announced Republican presidential candidates) will attack President Obama as a socialist and worse (see: Newt Gingrich). The Democrats will never resort in kind (see: Swift Boating, Willie Horton and other GOP election viciousness).

Unfortunately too many liberals just don't have the balls --Wait a minute, there is Anthony Weiner.