A Sucker is Born

A famous saying, rightly or wrongly attributed to master 19th century showman P.T. Barnum is of course "There's a sucker born every minute". Extrapolating that to today's population would more accurately state "There's a sucker born every few seconds" or whatever. But the pithy observation is probably even more valid 100+ years later. Consider the following recent high profile examples.

The debacle at Sunday's Dallas Super Bowl, whereby at least 400 patrons whose temporary seating (planned so that the total attendance might set an alltime record--it didn't) wasn't ready and who had to watch on television from an inside club room, resulted in these individuals being promised by the NFL a refund of triple their ticket's face value plus a free ticket to next year's Super Bowl. Nothing so unremarkable until you consider that such face value was $800 or $900 [some paid a lot more to legitimate ticket scalpers, or"brokers"] and counting the cost of travel, etc. many of these people might still not come out even. But the "sucker" element is in the face value itself. For marginal seating and views in a 100,000 seat stadium, people (i.e. suckers) were willing to shell out such sums! We're really in a recession? Maybe for the unlucky bottom 10-20% but apparently there are myriad thousands who whether they can really afford to or not, are caught up in the Super Bowl hype. Suckers indeed.

BTW, wasn't the perfect epitome of Texas size braggadocio gone amok with all the problems Dallas had in putting on the event, seeing George W. ("Mission Accomplished") Bush smugly sitting in a VIP seat?

Anyway, another sucker magnet has been the troubled $65 million Broadway extravaganza Spider- Man Turn Off the Dark. After months beset with mechanical issues, injuries to actors during performances and innumerable delays, the nation's theatre critics finally decided to review the show, although its official opening has been postponed yet again to March 15. The reviews ranged from "incoherent" to "a mess" to "a candidate for the worst musical in history" and you get the picture. But will this sink the show? Probably not--despite generally poor word of mouth to date and extremely high ticket prices up to $270, the show has been selling out and TNB wouldn't bet that this won't continue. One could argue that's it's the intellectually snotty critics vs. the comic strip loving "real Americans" such as TNB's "hero" Glenn Beck who has allegedly seen and loved the show 4 times [maybe he's an investor]. However, isn't this just a perfect instance of another several hundred thousand suckers being ripped off?

Make that a sucker born every millisecond.

News of the Day

As most of us in the Midwest and Northeast settle in for an oncoming vicious winter storm, thus causing airports, schools and businesses to declare a snow day for Wednesday, February 2, readers of this blog need to make sure that they're totally up to date on all of the news of the day, with of course TNB's accompanying analysis which is required to really understand what's going on:

• STATE OF THE UNION-- In addition to the "odd couples" caused by Senators and Representatives seated not by political parties but by the new rules of civility (McCain next to Kerry, etc.) we were treated to the Tea Party response. Rep. Michelle Bachmann sort of delivered her incoherent remarks while gazing to her right. No matter, she appears to have been tutored by Sarah Palin, in a classic example of dumb and dumber.
• TURMOIL IN EGYPT-- In another case of "but he's OUR dictator" (see Saddam Hussein with whom we sided in Iran/Iraq war in 1980's) it appears that the U.S. is going to let Hosni Mubarak float in space while hoping that his successors will be gracious enough to continue to accept $1.3 billion in aid from us.
• CHICAGO MAYORAL RACE -- At the end of an eventful week in which a bogus residency issue concerning frontrunner Rahm Emanuel saw him kicked off, then restored to the ballot, he was upstaged (sort of) by fellow mayoral candidate and former Senator Carol Moseley Braun, who falsely accused a minor opponent with "being strung out on crack for the past 20 years" and then took two days to apologize, thus further tarnishing her already shaky credibility.
• OSCARS-- After nominations were announced and all the pundits weighed in, it appears that the race for Best Picture will come down to an old fashioned historical drama The King's Speech and a new fashioned historical drama The Social Network. Probably will depend on who's doing the voting--admirers of the British royal family or admirers of the Internet. [TNB actually liked best the hallucinatory ballet movie Black Swan which has no historical significance].
• SUPER BOWL -- For Chicagoans the upcoming game is anticlimatic. The controversy over QB Jay Cutler's knee injury and toughness totally overshadowed how poorly the Bears played but it's way more fun watching Jay's knockout girlfriend going to dinner or shopping in LA with him anyway. Besides Chicago is getting Obama confidante David Axelrod back; soon to be seen at Manny's Deli. Life is good.

A Sense of Decency

The outpouring of emotion, opinions as to the cause(s) and other expressions of "wisdom" that have resulted from the Tucson shootings reminded TNB of a pivotal moment in American history which taught at the time some now largely forgotten lessons of conduct in a polarized society.

Over a half century ago, in 1954 to be exact, a demagogic senator, Joseph R. McCarthy (R-Wis), had made quite a name for himself by "outing", often unfairly or inaccurately, supposed Communists employed by the U.S. government. This is hard to understand today when Communist China practically owns our country and in general, the Red threat has largely vanished. But during the height of the Cold War, McCarthy was virtually unchallenged until he overreached by challenging the U.S. Army as to certain of its soldiers' loyalties.

At the famous televised Army-McCarthy hearings, the Senator was strongly rebuked by a patrician Boston-based attorney, Joseph Welch, whom the Army had engaged to represent it. After McCarthy had nastily tried to smear a young attorney in Welch's firm by bringing up some student associations, the courtly Welch delivered the famous lines ".. have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you no decency...?" This exchange turned public opinion against McCarthy, who was censured by his Senate colleagues and died 3 years later, at age 47, of liver disease brought on by acute alcoholism.

When you really analyze today's political rhetoric, which may not bear much if any actual responsibility for the shootings, what stands out is the total lack of decency exhibited by many in public life. Or is the word "decency" as archaic as rotary phones, typewriters and common courtesy?

We need a Joseph Welch today (the real one died in 1960 at age 70). Someone who can stand up to today's demagogues, who are far more dangerous than back in 1954, due among other things to the ubiquity of the Internet and the far greater availability of assault type weapons among the general populace. Someone who could shame a Sarah Palin (assuming she possesses one gram of decency) for disseminating her "targets" containing rifle bullseyes (her spokesperson now claims that they're just surveyors sights!!) and aiming them at people who disagreed with her, such as Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. Indecent indeed.

Can 2011 Be Worse

Early in each year (you know, before the New Year's resolutions have worn off) there's usually a cautious sense of optimism about the upcoming 12 months. Most people can't possibly foresee that 2011 could be as bad as 2010-- a year which included, among other disasters, the Haiti earthquake, the BP oil spill, the (hopefully temporary) rise of Sarah Palin and the Tea Party, the 5th place finish of the Chicago Cubs, etc.

Fortunately for those pessimists among you, TNB is not "most people". He has his usual sense of foreboding which, not to depress you too much, he is not reluctant to share with you. Watch for some of the following to take place (no reminders, please next December at those which didn't materialize):

• Republicans will fail to repeal the Health Care Bill but when planning their 2012 re-election campaigns, will pretend that they have, thus impressing enough of their ignorant followers to assure that they're not deservedly tossed out of office.
• Clarence Thomas will shockingly resign as the silent Supreme Court Justice to spend more time with his wife in pursuing Anita Hill for disclosing his perversions during 1991 confirmation hearings. After a bitter , divisive Senate battle over his successor, Denzel Washington will emerge as the consensus choice over Oprah Winfrey.
• Rahm Emanuel will be elected as Chicago Mayor and will promptly move City Hall to Manny's Deli, where he will move in upstairs until he can get rid of his tenant.
• Christine O'Donnell will pay off her campaign debt by autographing witch hats at Halloween stores. She will also ask Meg Whitman for a few bucks after the latter blew $140 million of her own money on a losing campaign to the former and now present Governor Moonbeam who will surprise Californians by repealing "don't ask, don't tell" in Hollywood.
• Colin Firth will stunningly stammer through his Oscar acceptance speech thus proving that his performance in The King's Speech was digitally enhanced.
• Brett Favre will finally retire from the NFL and will begin a new career as a spokesperson for a line of feminine hygiene products.
• The Chicago Cubs will wind up in 6th place and be forced to sell Wrigley Field to make room for another CVS store.

It looks like 2011 could actually be worse! Let's hope TNB is wrong, which he rarely is.

Cell Madness

To begin with--a disclaimer.

TNB is certainly a believer in and user of modern technology. He has an I Pad and Kindle (both recently acquired) and could not exist without the Internet, which he uses both for business and pleasure (this blog being sort of in-between). Of course, like everyone over the age of 10, he has a cell phone which is currently a Blackberry Torch. So he's not just some old you-know-what wishing for a return to simpler days like say rotary phones, party lines and "slugs" (if you don't know ask someone over 65).

What has TNB flipping his wig (figuratively speaking) is the way that the use, or misuse, of cell phones is dominating behavior today. Besides the obvious--distracted drivers (TNB uses hands free bluetooth) and pedestrians-- there is now almost no place (even restroom stalls) that one can escape the rudeness of many modern cell phone users. Restaurant usage is bad enough, but now, despite repeated admonitions to the audiences it appears that more and more cell phones are ringing in theatres, both movie and live.

An egregious current example was pointed out last week by Chicago Tribune theatre critic Chris Jones. At a recent performance at Steppenwolf Theatre of the classic Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, a ringing cell phone stopped the performance with about 2 minutes to go. Jones cited other examples of the boorishness of modern theatregoers. Incredibly, at a performance of this same show (terrific BTW) yesterday, a cell phone rang 3 seats from TNB, but the actors went on. At the next intermission a number of patrons (of course including TNB) chastised the woman whose phone it was, who incredibly explained that she had just bought the phone 2 days ago and didn't know how to turn it off (someone showed her).

Lest you think this is a generational complaint, this woman, as well as many cell phone abusers was a contemporary of TNB. Yet she like so many people behave today as if the invention of cell phones marked the beginning of our society and culture. It does appear that rather than being a useful piece of technology, the cell phone is now often controlling our lives.

Have You Heard

There's so much news these days, international, national, local, sports, business and entertainment--that it's totally impossible for people to keep up. So as a public service to those of you who have information gaps, TNB hereby presents Have You Heard. For example, have you heard that:

• Sarah Palin has "authored" a controversial new book in which she reveals that she is quietly pursuing an advanced English literature degree at an Ivy League university
• Pope Benedict who recently opened the door for condom use by male prostitutes to combat AIDS has been approached to endorse Trojans (no, not the horses)
• Mel Gibson whose Hollywood career is in limbo and who is involved in a vicious custody suit, is undergoing instructions on conversion to Orthodox Judaism, with the only issue being whether he can get by with just a "ritual nick"
• Meg Whitman, founder of E-Bay, has formed a new company, E-Ocean, to commemorate the destination of the $140 million she spent on a futile effort to become governor of California (why would she want to be?)
• Christine O'Donnell, defeated Delaware senatorial candidate, has recently signed to portray the Wicked Witch of the West in the remake of The Wizard of Oz
• Brett Favre, washed up quarterback whose poor play helped get his coach fired, has decided to capitalize on his recent sexual harrassment scandal by coming out with a new line of men's undershorts complete with a hidden camera for emergencies

If you pass around this info at the Thanksgiving table, please no attribution. TNB meanwhile is facing his first date with the airport body scanners who hopefully won't laugh too loudly.

The Last Ad

Thankfully, the polls have just closed in Illinois and thus the last political ad or commercial has run, at least for awhile. Of course, soon enough the respite will end for those of us in the Chicago area, where a mayoral race is looming to pick a successor, if that's possible, to Richard M. Daley. More on that at a later date.

TNB has been witness to over a half century of political campaigns and rhetoric, having cast his first presidential vote for John F. Kennedy in 1960 (you didn't think he would vote for Richard Nixon, did you?). In that time the campaigns and especially the television commercials (on which $3 billion was spent nationally in the off-year of 2010) have gotten incredibly nasty, demeaning and almost 100% negative.

In an effort to find out what the root causes of this negativity were, TNB tracked down the person most responsible--not Karl Rove or his ilk--but an adman. It turns out that he is Bobby Draper, son of the legendary 1960's ad (or Mad) man, Don Draper. Although when last depicted on TV in 1965, Bobby was sort of a bratty child and sibling to unhappy sister Sally, over the years having learned the business from his creative master father (when sober), Bobby has developed into the unquestioned star of the negative political world. He is now head of the renowned mudslinging agency--Falsehood, Obfuscation and Smear or FOS for short.

Because TNB was loosely acquainted with the folks at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (never missed an episode) Bobby consented to a rare interview , excerpts of which follow (the full transcript can be found on TNB's Facebook and Twitter accounts if you can locate them --he can't).
TNB: Why is it that no matter how nasty the charges leveled at a politician, he or she never replies but only levels equally nasty charges at the opponent?
BD: Since most of the charges are unfortunately at least partially valid, we never allow our clients to reply truthfully (check out the name of our agency).

TNB: Does it matter that vicious ads are often based on some obscure comment the opponent made when strung out on marijuana as a college sophomore 30 years ago?
BD: This is what we call a two-fer--a dumb comment coupled with criminal activity.

TNB: How stupid is the average American to believe all of the FOS ads?
BD: Why do you think my income equalled that of LeBron James last year--my Dad would be so proud!

TNB should have paid more attention to Bobby--instead of ogling the zaftig office manager Joanie.