Have You Heard

There's so much news these days, international, national, local, sports, business and entertainment--that it's totally impossible for people to keep up. So as a public service to those of you who have information gaps, TNB hereby presents Have You Heard. For example, have you heard that:

• Sarah Palin has "authored" a controversial new book in which she reveals that she is quietly pursuing an advanced English literature degree at an Ivy League university
• Pope Benedict who recently opened the door for condom use by male prostitutes to combat AIDS has been approached to endorse Trojans (no, not the horses)
• Mel Gibson whose Hollywood career is in limbo and who is involved in a vicious custody suit, is undergoing instructions on conversion to Orthodox Judaism, with the only issue being whether he can get by with just a "ritual nick"
• Meg Whitman, founder of E-Bay, has formed a new company, E-Ocean, to commemorate the destination of the $140 million she spent on a futile effort to become governor of California (why would she want to be?)
• Christine O'Donnell, defeated Delaware senatorial candidate, has recently signed to portray the Wicked Witch of the West in the remake of The Wizard of Oz
• Brett Favre, washed up quarterback whose poor play helped get his coach fired, has decided to capitalize on his recent sexual harrassment scandal by coming out with a new line of men's undershorts complete with a hidden camera for emergencies

If you pass around this info at the Thanksgiving table, please no attribution. TNB meanwhile is facing his first date with the airport body scanners who hopefully won't laugh too loudly.

The Last Ad

Thankfully, the polls have just closed in Illinois and thus the last political ad or commercial has run, at least for awhile. Of course, soon enough the respite will end for those of us in the Chicago area, where a mayoral race is looming to pick a successor, if that's possible, to Richard M. Daley. More on that at a later date.

TNB has been witness to over a half century of political campaigns and rhetoric, having cast his first presidential vote for John F. Kennedy in 1960 (you didn't think he would vote for Richard Nixon, did you?). In that time the campaigns and especially the television commercials (on which $3 billion was spent nationally in the off-year of 2010) have gotten incredibly nasty, demeaning and almost 100% negative.

In an effort to find out what the root causes of this negativity were, TNB tracked down the person most responsible--not Karl Rove or his ilk--but an adman. It turns out that he is Bobby Draper, son of the legendary 1960's ad (or Mad) man, Don Draper. Although when last depicted on TV in 1965, Bobby was sort of a bratty child and sibling to unhappy sister Sally, over the years having learned the business from his creative master father (when sober), Bobby has developed into the unquestioned star of the negative political world. He is now head of the renowned mudslinging agency--Falsehood, Obfuscation and Smear or FOS for short.

Because TNB was loosely acquainted with the folks at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (never missed an episode) Bobby consented to a rare interview , excerpts of which follow (the full transcript can be found on TNB's Facebook and Twitter accounts if you can locate them --he can't).
TNB: Why is it that no matter how nasty the charges leveled at a politician, he or she never replies but only levels equally nasty charges at the opponent?
BD: Since most of the charges are unfortunately at least partially valid, we never allow our clients to reply truthfully (check out the name of our agency).

TNB: Does it matter that vicious ads are often based on some obscure comment the opponent made when strung out on marijuana as a college sophomore 30 years ago?
BD: This is what we call a two-fer--a dumb comment coupled with criminal activity.

TNB: How stupid is the average American to believe all of the FOS ads?
BD: Why do you think my income equalled that of LeBron James last year--my Dad would be so proud!

TNB should have paid more attention to Bobby--instead of ogling the zaftig office manager Joanie.

Guilt by Association

Negative political commercials for some time have attempted (often successfully) to link an opposing candidate with some other unpopular, perhaps unsavory person. For example in this year's Illinois gubernatorial race each candidate (the incumbent Democrat, Pat Quinn and the opposing Republican State Senator, Bill Brady) have spent millions trying to tarnish their respective opponents with the bad aroma emitted by the last 2 governors, jailed Republican George Ryan and soon to be jailed Democrat Rod Blagojevich. Never mind what each current candidate stands for, might (??) accomplish for the citizens, etc. all that apparently counts is guilt by association. While it is true that they each had an association with the respective disgraced ex-governors, isn't this sort of irrelevant? Neither was remotely suspected of being complicit in their crimes.

Full disclosure: about 12 years ago when he was an Illinois congressman, Rod Blagojevich invited a group of visiting Illinois CPA's to his Washington office and TNB actually shook his hand. This of course makes your intrepid blogger guilty (of something) by association. This one incident ruined a promising political career for TNB--imagine the ads ! Sounds ludicrous, right? Read on.

What really has TNB wondering about the intelligence of the American people (OK--no real doubt that most are gullible and yes stupid) are the ads "linking" candidates with someone say of their own party who may be despised or detested for unknown reasons--sort of guilt by almost association. In the Illinois 10th Congressional district, being vacated by Republican Mark Kirk, who is running for the Senate, his would-be Democratic successor, Dan Seals, has been the object of vicious commercials trumpeting his "association" with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who apparently because she's a (gasp) liberal has been anointed this year's bogeywoman. There is no evidence that Seals, who has never served in Congress, even knows Pelosi. But since they're both Democrats they must be associated to obviously nefarious ends.

This makes as much sense as if the Democrats ran attack ads linking Kirk with all elements of his party--for starters why not Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell (not so sure about that!) or New York gubernatorial candidate Carl "I'll take you out" Paladino or other GOP luminaries. Kirk's not really associated with them? Who's to know or care? It's a simple premise--guilt by association.

A Mixed Bag

For a change here's a mixed bag of random thoughts. The next post will return to profound, mind stretching information.

• With 4 weeks to go before midterm elections, TNB is still waiting for the first non-negative (i.e., positive) commercial for a candidate. Is it conceivable that everybody's opponent is untrustworthy, irresponsible, immoral and in general a total sleaze? (OMG, maybe it's so). No wonder voters have such a low opinion of politicians.
• Why do certain "friends" constantly bombard you with forwarded E-Mails hammering home the same old, tired views, sort of "preaching to the choir"? The ability to easily forward crap of all kinds is one of the great abuses of modern technology. Don't you sometimes wish you could send a little computer virus (nothing too serious--like the common cold, say) to these folks?
• BTW, while on the subject of E-Mails, why can't everybody forwarding E-Mails (obnoxious or otherwise) just simply delete the string of previous E-mail addresses so that everyone receiving the missive isn't privy to unnecessary information which could be used for spam, etc.? It's so easy to do (and good etiquette) that even TNB, no computer whiz, has mastered it (see the distribution of this blog, for example).
• Make sure you see the brilliant new film The Social Network. Although there are some (such as this blogger) who haven't been seduced by Facebook and its ilk, it's extremely informative to learn how this phenomenom has occurred. The writing, directing, acting, photography--all Oscar worthy. Of course, being of a (very) certain age, TNB does worry that someday, there will no longer be much live person-to -person contact. But if you think about it, the same fears were probably expressed when telephone, radio, television, computers and every other development became popular. People will likely never return to smoke signals for communication.
• Are you as disgusted as TNB (a life long intense sports fan) at the "behavior" exhibited by many overpaid athletes? If it's not DUI (they can afford to hire drivers) it's sexual harrassment (come to think of it, they can afford to hire hookers!) or drugs or beating up wives/girlfriends. What great role models for the young. These jerks should be rated lower than politicians.

The Worship of Celebrity

A recurrent theme in this blog over the past two years has been the inexplicable chasm between the values placed by much of Society on celebrity vs. the amount of esteem lavished on everyday heroes such as emergency medical personnel, firefighters, police officers, teachers, etc. No matter how frequently the failings of many celebrity politicians, athletes and entertainers are reported, there's always another one being doted on by some people who perhaps are vicariously living the celebrity life by merely worshiping the quite imperfect individuals represented by the rich and famous.

No better example could be cited than one of the all time sleaziest celebrities--Rod ("I'll eat bugs if I have to") Blagojevich. At his recent Federal corruption trial in Chicago (now facing a do-over in January thanks to one lamebrained juror), we were treated to the daily spectacle of people outside the Federal building clamoring to shake his hand and get his autograph! A few days after the trial ended mostly inconclusively, but with Helmet Hair now a convicted felon, he was mobbed by customers at a Comic Convention who paid good money to get in and meet the Great One. To all these people TNB says--you are pathetic and need to get a life!!

What about all the athletes who are practically the deity to many of their fans --that is, until many of their warts become viral, at which time a new "religion" (read- different celebs to worship) is adopted. Take New Orleans Saints star Reggie Bush who was one of the biggest all-time USC football stars (just after O.J. Simpson, who still has some admirers) until some newly exposed flagrant recruiting violations have totally disgraced the university, causing severe penalties and forcing Bush to return the ultimate college football award--the Heisman Trophy. At least among Trojan students and alumni, the adoration formerly heaped on Bush is no longer a practicing doctrine.

And who knows who will be the next celebrity to fall from grace--for all anyone can predict, it could be an entertainer such as Lady Gaga (not actually a member of the nobility), a politician such as Sarah Palin ( there are many signs that she actually is not a person of great substance) or maybe another athlete who seems like Mr. Clean (say Tiger Woods--oh wait that did happen).

In any event, someone new will burst upon the scene and will inspire slavish devotion until?

Me-Ness

For some time now there have been wails and moans about today's younger generation ("Millennials") being unusually self absorbed--you know "the me generation". But let's light up on these people (our kids and grandkids). TNB has observed that every generation (even the "elderly"--see last month's post Age Old Story) has to some degree succumbed to the it's all about me syndrome which might be, to coin a term, called Me-Ness. Examples abound of such unflattering, inconsiderate and downright rude behavior now in vogue.

• Recently, the Chicago Cubs announced that one bleacher section at one game was going to be peanut free to accommodate many peanut allergic fans. The uproar was shocking--if you or your child has such allergies, tough but don't inconvenience me ever so slightly. Me-Ness at its finest!
• While many if not most politicians exhibit a high level of Me-Ness (several steps past self-esteem!) no one has come close in recent memory to Rod Blagojevich, a now convicted felon who of course is hoping to find another moronic juror at his retrial who can be persuaded that his Me-Ness is a victim of the big bad Feds who dared to take him away from his family, threaten his home and in what has to be the most outrageous statement in a long time deprived (!) the people of Illinois of their Governor. TNB has never felt so desperate.
• When it comes to Me-Ness, even politicians, who after all still need to elected, aren't close to professional athletes. To cite just one currently in the news--overpaid, over-the-hill, steroid abuser Manny Ramirez who was dumped by the L.A. Dodgers with the Chicago White Sox giving nothing in return, except for picking up the $4.4 million (yes million) owed to Manny for possibly one month of his "services". As his final act with the Dodgers, when sent up to pinch hit in a crucial situation, he managed to get himself (deliberately?) ejected after one pitch. Then when he belatedly joined the White Sox in Cleveland (too exhausted by the 5 hour flight, in first class, to play that night) he gave his first interview almost entirely in Spanish, with a coach as interpreter. Manny grew up in New York City's Washington Heights and speaks perfect English, so what was this--Me-Ness at the ultimate?

When are we going to see a little You-Ness?

Age Old Story

It's no secret to most of you that TNB is fast approaching his 75th birthday and while he does have a few creaks to say the least, arguably his mind is still functioning. Fortunately, he's not alone. Recently a number of TNB's high school classmates (76 people including spouses, etc.), almost all born in 1935, threw a very nice birthday party for themselves and while of course some have ongoing ailments as a whole they have been extremely lucky (TNB included) to reach this milestone.

Sadly, most of the rest of our society does not recognize that lots of people of this age and much older are viable and energetic. While planning the party, a search for candies and other favors marked with the number 75 turned up empty. The highest number apparently produced was 70, thus implying what--anybody older than that can't or shouldn't be attending parties? The media labels anyone over 60 as ancient ("elderly woman hit by car" sometimes means a 62 year old).

Then of course there are the marketing and advertising geniuses who don't believe that many seniors have enough disposable income (colleges and weddings are usually behind them) to be able to and desire to purchase anything besides prescription drugs and maybe cruises. So marketing for most products is targeted towards younger people, many of whom are drowning in debt, rather than recognizing that we "elderly" are willing to buy autos, clothes (if we could find some that fit), electronics and a ton of other things that we are actually able to operate!

Speaking of prescription drugs aimed primarily at those on Medicare, don't you just love the actors or models used in TV commercials who generally are a little younger than they're supposed to be and after ingesting the prescribed remedy always wind up hiking, sailing or participating in some strenuous activity (once their bladders are controlled)? Or they may be sitting naked in adjoining outdoor bathtubs waiting for the next 4 hour opportunity before the ED drug wears off. BTW, ads for the latter contain only one example of the absurd admonition to "call your doctor" if some horrendous side effect occurs. Likely, you'll get voice mail. Worse yet what if the side effect is "thoughts of suicide"? Imagine being put on hold.