Is It Possible?

Is it really possible that:

• Both presidential candidates are running against the Republican party? If you didn't know better (some of our electorate probably doesn't) you would think the McCain/Mooseburger ticket is somehow afraid to mention that the country has been brought to its knees and Washington is so sorely in need of reform under the stewardship not of their opponents but of their own fallen hero--George W. (remember him?). Maybe at the upcoming debates someone will ask them about this strange phenomenon.
• John McCain is figuratively and literally hiding behind Sarah Palin's skirts? On the rare occasions he appears in public without her, few bother to show up. Why should they --to listen to someone who has to read "Good Morning" off a cue card? When she's there she immediately lifts the campaign discourse by emphasizing how she'll be hittin(g), fixin(g), winnin(g) against those baddies in DC, and every moron in America identifies with her. Keep repeatin(g) President Sarah Palin, President Sarah Palin--OMG.
• We'll get to November 4th without any hard nosed journalist gettin(g) (OOPS) to question Sarah? First there was mild mannered professor Charlie Gibson, next is Fox News right wing suck up and sycophant Sean Hannity and then Miss Perky--Katie Couric. NBC is being punished for daring to criticize the odd couple. So those evil men like Brian Williams and Tom Brokaw, who might throw more than softballs, will probably not get the chance to ask her how she would solve the crisis in the financial markets (by fixin it!), deal with the new leaders in Pakistan, Israel and the Vatican (just kiddin) or make sure Russia doesn't invade Wasilla. (Putin is watching her house from Siberia). Wouldn't you rather have Tina Fey?
• After a literal lifetime of sufferin(g), TNB's beloved Chicago Cubs (he backs a lot of losers) wins the World Series only a few days before Barack Obama puts the GOP out of its misery? If this happens, watch out for a coup orchestrated by Dick Cheney. Yes, it could be the best of times or... what was it that Dickens said?

Anything is possible, isn't it?

Sex, Lies and Hypocrisy

With eight weeks to go in what no doubt will be the most vitrioloic presidential campaign in history, already we're wallowing in SEX, LIES and HYPOCRISY. For example:

The SEX angle has been a tabloid boon, thanks to Bristol Palin and her "fiancee" Levi Johnston, whose MySpace page, subsequently removed, was replete with macho posturing, extensive use of the "F" word and concluded (honestly) with "I don't want kids" (condoms are apparently outlawed in Alaska). The lovely couple are giving new meaning to the term "shotgun wedding" since Levi proposed looking down the barrel of Sarah's hunting rifle.

The LIES can only be highlighted:

• Obama is a Muslim (terrorist or dupe, etc.) who has outdone country club Republicans in elitism and arrogance. Sure!
• The media (100% liberal, of course, including Fox News) is mean and nasty to Sarah Palin because they want to ask Mommy Dearest about such unfair matters as her views on say, immigration, the Middle East, Russia, the mortgage/housing crisis, the Supreme Court, taxes, etc. which all the other candidates in both parties have been answering and debating for almost 2 years. They should back off from this inquisition because even by the mediocre standards most Americans hold their Presidents to (see George W. Bush, Phantom not of the Opera but the GOP convention) she would be found to be sadly deficient. Yes, she's feisty, has pizazz and is about 2 inches deep. Memo to disaffected Hillary women--this lady and McCain will make your head spin with their anti-choice, anti gay rights and other right wing proposals. If they're elected, hope for a very Democratic Congress.
• Sarah's Jewish ancestors swam the Bering Strait from Russia to Alaska 100 years ago to escape pogroms. OK--TNB made this up but watch for something like it to appear in some Republican BS (I mean spin).

As to the HYPOCRISY, where to begin? But we must:

• How about Joe Lieberman, badly needing Obama's help in Connecticut in 2006, warmly praising Barack and promising to do anything he can to help the Illinois Senator in the future. Really?
• How about anti Equal Rights Amendment leaders James Dobson and Phyllis Schlafly, among others, who have made careers out of promoting stay at home, subservient mothers, now praising Sarah Palin for her great multitasking ability? Remember the Army/McCarthy hearings--"have you no shame, sir"? OMG.
• How about Sarah Palin herself--great proponent of abstinence only sex "education" for everyone but her own family? After all, who is a better example of HYPOCRISY which is defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary as "the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform"? These people are champs!!!

Gustav and Sarah

Leave it to a male (OK, only a male named hurricane, Gustav) to possibly deter the American people from getting a complete look at the heartwarming story of Sarah Palin.

But since the Republican National Convention has had to somewhat curtail its agenda, TNB is filling in the blanks, in case you've been concentrating on Labor Day or other distractions.

In only four short days since John McCain, in one of the all-time most cynical, pandering and insulting moves ever made by a presidential candidate, named the previously obscure Alaska governor to be his running mate (is that still a good word?), here's what we know:

• Although gynecologically identical to Hillary Clinton, she certainly is not in the least her ideological twin (thanks to Jon Stewart). Her shameless reach for Hillary supporters is frightening but could sadly be somewhat effective. Especially when a few weeks ago, a misguided Hillary delegate made a TV commercial endorsing McCain only to find out later that contrary to what she thought he was not pro choice! You can't overestimate the stupidity of the American people.
• Her many right wing defenders are stretching her credentials to the breaking point. Fox News (honestly) trumpeted her international bona fides by pointing out that Alaska is only a few miles from Russia across the Bering Strait. Watch out, Mr. Putin --she's got her eyes trained on you!
• The family values people don't appear to be upset by the revelation that her teenage, unmarried daughter is pregnant-- "we're all sinners, etc." Imagine if Obama's daughter, if she were older, was pregnant--the racist clucking would be deafening.
• At an interview only a month ago, she seemed uncertain as to what the job of Vice President entailed. For sure, she could continue to hunt--as long as caribou, not friends were shot.
• Finally, she's somewhat of a babe (runner up as Miss Alaska in 1984). This should appeal to the heretofore untapped horny male segment of the electorate.

In fairness to John McCain, he couldn't emulate Obama and pick one of his defeated rivals, who ordinarily would have some stature--Mitt Romney, who reminds one of a slick, Don Draper ("Mad Men") but not as smart, Mike Huckabee, who is quite conservative but lacks Sarah's internal plumbing, Rudy Giuliani who set new records for running a poor campaign and has plenty of personal baggage et al. No wonder McCain was selected by his party.

See the last sentence of first bullet point above. TNB is worried.

Catching Up

After being away from blogging for three weeks (mostly spent in Europe) TNB has had a hard time catching up with all the recent news, but does have a few profound observations.

Should John McCain win the presidency (a distinct possibility) he can thank among other factors, Georgia. No, not the reliable red state (pun intended) he would carry under any circumstances but rather the heretofore obscure former Soviet republic embroiled in yet another ethnic dispute with the big bad bear (pun intended) Russia. Every time some new world crisis flares up, McCain gets votes. No different than 2004 when the GOP successfully played the terror fear card to narrowly reelect W. Hasn't that been great for the country? TNB recently visited Russia briefly and got an education in attitudes of ordinary Russians--scary.

Barack Obama's efforts to look strong have consisted of picking an attack dog (albeit qualified) as his running mate. Most of you probably haven't noticed but Obama recently was interviewed on ESPN and asked (since of course he's a Chicagoan) who he would support if somehow both the Cubs and White Sox made the World Series (this happens once a century). As a South Sider, like Mayor Daley, he understandably prefers the White Sox. But, he then went on to diss Cubs fans (doesn't he know they're all over the country?) as beer drinking tourists who know nothing about baseball!!! I assume he wasn't referring to TNB, whose baseball knowledge can probably be matched against most anyone. Can't you just see Obama, a few weeks before the election, making a surprise appearance at Wrigley Field wearing a Cubs hat (this should only happen) should they be playing say Tampa Bay from an important state like Florida? Why is it that the Democrats continually pick wussy candidates-- see Stevenson, McGovern, Dukakis, Kerry et al?

This reminds TNB of 2000, when carpetbagger Hillary Clinton, attempting to secure a Senate seat in her "adopted" state of New York, wore a Yankees cap proclaiming she was a lifelong fan when she had grown up in suburban Chicago and was really a fan of (gasp!) the Cubs. All this proves is how craven politicians can be. Hillary does look a lot tougher than Barack, but her supporters should get real-- if many do vote for McCain, do they realize what they're getting? Actually, someone who in a few days, will be the same age as TNB, but without the Internet skills.

What Happens Next

Since TNB and Mrs. TNB will be leaving shortly for a few weeks on a European trip, how will all (?) of you devoted readers get your enlightened comments on current events? Not to worry, because TNB will tell you in advance what will happen next. And unlike weather forecasters, sports prognosticators and the like, upon returning he will review his predictions and admit if any don't pan out.

• Politics-- Both Barack Obama and John McCain will announce their vice presidential nominees. The media will have a field day delving into every aspect of the two individuals' backgrounds, including interviews with childhood friends from 30 to 50 years ago, who will tell all about the candidate's first kiss, drug experimentation (if any), school behavior including copying on exams and other relevant matters which will greatly help the electorate in determining ultimate fitness for high office.
• Olympics-- After thousands of arrests of dissidents, interference with journalists access to the Internet and killer (literally) pollution affecting athletes and spectators, China will announce that the Games were the most successful in history, thus justifying the selection of their country as a worthy member of the civilized world. There will be no doping scandals, because no tests will work in the Chinese smog.
• Other Sports-- At least 3 NFL stars will sustain serious injury in meaningless exhibition games. Tiger Woods will get special dispensation to ride a cart so that he can win the PGA tournament (and help TV ratings). Two 20 year old female tennis stars will announce their retirement, citing burnout from playing or practicing every day since the age of 8. A dozen or more college football players will be arrested, although most will still play this season.
• Celebrities-- Not fewer than five breakups will be announced. Most will not result in divorces, since few of these people are actually married to their partners, although there are often children involved. The pending Hollywood actors' strike will be averted by the threat to use replacements who are out of work politicians, particularly those who did not make the vice presidential cut (see above).

Now you don't have to bother with the actual news, but can spend more time enjoying the summer, or perhaps writing your own blog.

English as a First Language

TNB has always marveled at immigrants to the United States (generally excluding Canadians, Brits, Aussies, etc.) who must learn English as a second language. Our mother tongue contains so many idioms and homonyms (to, too, two or read/read for example) as well as words that are not pronounced phonetically (like colonel) that mastering English is almost an impossible task for foreign born people.

Sadly, mastering English as a first language is becoming much more difficult. The main culprit is the technology that has made daily life so much "easier". The widespread use of text and instant messaging, with its own peculiar shorthand, among today's youth is subverting grammar, spelling and overall literacy. How can we expect mastery of English when even 8 year olds communicate with "words" like LOL, RU, BTW and so on? Even The Normal Blogger has occasionally used these terms to be cute. It won't be so cute when someday soon Shakespeare's most famous passage is written "2B R NT 2B". It does save space!

Also subverting the English language is the belief among many otherwise intelligent people that anything they read on the Internet (written well or poorly--it doesn't matter) must be true. If Barack Obama loses the election, one main factor (like the swiftboating of John Kerry) will be the incessant lies about him spread over the Internet as if they were the gospel, which somehow many people have believed in for several millennia without benefit of E-Mail. He is not or was he ever a Muslim, was not planted by Al Qaeda and is not a terrorist despite what some anonymous liar has sent me electronically. The senders of such garbage are the real terrorists.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot to believe except of course The Normal Blog.


OMG, OMG (and oy vey).