Can You Believe

Can you believe that:

• The "patients" depicted in medical commercials, usually suffering from bladder control issues, elevated cholesterol, osteoporosis and other maladies, all make such remarkable recoveries after using the sponsor's product (of course first asking their doctors) that they are invariably shown romping on mountain hikes, riding horses and swimming the English Channel (OK, not the last one). If that strains your credulity, how about TNB's current favorite-- a middle aged hunk taking Viagra and then riding a motorcycle to the inevitable rendezvous with a very willing partner? Wasn't this drug originally aimed at say a more mature user?
• The so called (self anointed) fashion mavens are aghast that First Lady Michelle Obama was photographed wearing (gasp!) shorts on a beach. Oh, for the good old days--when formality reigned in the White House, as exemplified by Richard (I Am Not A Crook) Nixon being photographed on the beach at San Clemente wearing a suit and tie. This was one classy gentleman.
• Kansas Congresswoman Lynn Jenkins who, before gagging on the foot she inserted in her mouth, called for her fellow Republicans to find some Great White Hope to defeat you-know-who in 2012. That slogan was used a century ago in regard to potential opponents of black heavyweight champion Jack Johnson. We have certainly made great strides in this country since then.
• John Mackey, CEO of organic nutrition supermarket chain Whole Foods, seemed to imply, in an OpEd piece he wrote, that only the rich (like guess who) really deserved full health care and the rest of us should just stay healthy, supposedly by only patronizing his stores. No death panels for him!
• There is such a scarcity of qualified guests for TV talk shows that Illinois Mr. and Ms. Scuzz (a/k/a Rod and Patti Blagojevich) are appearing on The View. Of course, until he was incarcerated, the Today Show regularly featured Drew Peterson. Next up--Bernie Madoff on 60 Minutes?

All this proves, of course, is that anything is believable because as someone more profound than TNB said--you can't make this up.

The Dog Days of Summer

The period between roughly early July and late August has historically been known as "the dog days of summer". One explanation for this term is that the so called "dog stars" (Canis Major and Canis Minor) are then most closely aligned with the sun, thus supposedly contributing to the usual (but not always) sultry weather during such dog days. A more specific definition is that the dog days represent a period of stagnation and inactivity, sometimes accompanied by a frightening wilting of the brain. Consider the following recent occurrences:

• Hillary Clinton, in dire need of some fresh makeup and a hair stylist, nastily answered a question from a Kenyan student by stating that she not Bill was Secretary of State (this after an apparent translation error). She was apparently wilting due to the extreme dog days in Africa.
• Former Republican congressional leader and attack dog (sorry) Tom DeLay has achieved a place on Dancing With The Stars (no, not Canis Major). DeLay's judgment, never admirable, has apparently wilted under the hot Texas sun.
• Millionaire Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano lamely explained that he wasn't improving after recent back problems because (despite his gargantuan and undeserved salary) he was too lazy to comply with his prescribed exercise regimen. In fairness, the dog days for Zambrano's brain seem to be all year long.
• Speaking of the Cubs, once again the August dog days are being blamed for another monumental collapse although Chicago's summer has been unusually cool and the Perpetual Losers play many more night games these days. Perhaps a hex has been placed on them not by the famous goat but by Canis Minor.
• Previously obscure Sheryl Weinstein, perhaps best known for loudly portraying to TV cameras (outside the court where he was sentenced) that she and her family were victims ruined by Bernie Madoff, announced that she had written a memoir disclosing that while she was chief financial officer of the charitable organization Hadassah (which lost millions by investing with Madoff) she had an affair with Bernie. This story is only of mild interest because there's so little real news during the dog days.

Just Say No

In the perhaps somewhat more civilized Great Britain, the political party or parties out of power at least used to be known as the loyal opposition. Here in the United States, this concept never really took root, but especially ever since Barack Obama became the first foreign born President (oops), the opposition has become in the immortal words of the immortal Spiro Agnew, "nattering nabobs of negativism". In fact, one could say they are exponents of the famous (and futile) Nancy Reagan anti-drug message ---Just Say No. Nancy, of course, is supporting the President (understandably) on his stem cell research initiatives (Just Say Yes) thus angering many in the party which constantly holds up her husband as their ultimate hero.

But there are many other daily opportunities for the disloyal opposition (fueled by Fox News and of course the Internet) to Just Say No. Consider:

• The wildly popular Cash for Clunkers program has been derided by many in the GOP despite real evidence that it is providing some significant stimulus (especially to the beleaguered auto industry) and also is ridding the country of hundreds of thousands of gas guzzling, polluting clunkers. But why approve of something that works (especially when the entire Republican strategy is for Obama to fail, along apparently with the the entire nation)? Snide remarks such as "what's next, cash for chickens?" are more examples of the Just Say No syndrome. Where were these people when their friends in the financial industries were being bailed out last fall, which was not necessarily a bad thing either. But that program was pushed by one of their own, not this radical socialist now in power.
• What reasonable American could find fault with Bill Clinton's North Korea mission to free the two imprisoned journalists (and perhaps offer a tiny diplomatic opening to that isolated and worrisome country)? How about some unreasonable members of the Just Say No crowd who are frantically worrying about what we had to give Kim Jong Il in return? Perhaps Bill arranged a date with the Secretary of State. Hey, nothing's too preposterous for the naysayers to worry about.
• Don't even get TNB started on the some of the absurd arguments against any and all parts of the Obama health care plan, which of course is far from perfect. But come on--some of the speeches given and charts exhibited in Congress explain exactly why Americans hold most members of that body in such low esteem, slightly above steroid using millionaire athletes.

In both 2010 and 2012, there will be ample chances for the U.S. voters to Just Say No to these clowns and their ilk.

Mad Men

On Sunday, August 16 the brilliant AMC series Mad Men will begin its 3rd season. Mad Men, which is wordplay for "ad men" is a biting, largely accurate depiction of the mores of the 1960's as practiced in a Madison Avenue ad agency. TNB can vouch for the rampant sexism and smoking of those days but not the drinking (CPA's needed to keep their minds sharp).

One can only imagine what the ad men (there were few women although there is one making her way up on the show) of 40 plus years ago, who faced a far more conservative society than we now have, would make of the incredible opportunities existing today. For example:

• Wouldn't Don Draper (the hero) and his cohorts have loved to represent say Bud Light which is receiving the tacit approval of President Obama at his "beerfest" scheduled for tonight. Although the original cause (racial profiling) of the upcoming get-together is quite serious, and was certainly poorly handled, a good ad man should be able to portray the beer sipping as an endorsement. Or maybe they could get the President to reveal his cigarette of choice for his occasional puff. Of course, tobacco can't be advertised but the ad world would see that publicity would ensue anyway.
• Nobody in the Mad Men heyday could have foreseen the possibilities in medical advertising which has been permitted for fewer than 20 years. Operating with practically no restraints ("call your doctor if you have an erection lasting over 4 hours"), other than the ubiquitous side effect warnings ("might cause warts on your face, blindness or death, etc.") it would have been delicious to see what the creative minds of yore would have brought forth.
• And what about today's no holds barred largely negative political advertising (mostly absent in this non-election year)? Also operating with few restraints (such as the truth) this area would have provided a far more fertile ground than existed back then. Although there was the scary 1964 ad depicting Presidential candidate Barry Goldwater as a war mongering child killer.

So if you take TNB's advice and get caught up in Mad Men just fast forward in your mind how these rich characters would have probably behaved in 2009.

Sonia and Sarah

With perhaps only the exception of President Obama whose every activity(including whether the jeans he wore while throwing out the first pitch at the All Star game were too baggy!) is breathlessly chronicled, and even including the recently deceased Michael Jackson (who was possibly prescription medicationed to death???) and whose news coverage appears to be thankfully fading, no two public figures have received more current attention, positive and negative, than Sonia (Sotomayor) and Sarah (Palin). It is difficult if not impossible to find someone who likes them both (or for that matter hates them both). About the only thing they have in common is their gender.

Sonia, a highly educated, accomplished and articulate jurist who of course is of Puerto Rican extraction, appears to be ready to be confirmed to the Supreme Court, where she should prove to be a sensible, moderately liberal (the Democrats did win the election) addition to that august body which boasts one Clarence Thomas as a living model of ineptitude. But never mind. Her biggest fault among her detractors (largely fossilized right wing white men) is indeed the aforementioned heritage. Talk about reaching out to the Hispanic vote, a lost cause among the GOP. This is the party of Gingrich, Limbaugh, Rove, Cheney, Sanford and Ensign. What would you expect?

Sarah, a poorly educated, unaccomplished and inarticulate soon to be (by her own choice) ex-Governor, appears ready to stir up the "real America" of her dreams (translation=white, rural, gun-loving) either to make a lot of money (that's the REAL America) and/or position herself to be her party's 2012 standard bearer. Fully 71% of Republicans polled (the majority of whom are fossilized, right wing white men) would support her for President. This is scary indeed until you bring out the extra factor in Sarah's favor (especially among right wing white men of all ages)--undeniably she's a babe, certainly by the relative standards of most successful female politicians. TNB wonders --could horny white men carry the next election? This would only be fair considering how women swooned over say Jack Kennedy. Of course, he was highly educated, accomplished and articulate. Sort of like Sonia.

Does It Annoy You

With all the major things going on today of great concern to you, such as your health, your family and your finances not to mention the day to day news such as Sasha and Malia meeting the Pope, the Burr Oak cemetery grave robbing and the disturbing news that 71% of Republicans polled support Sarah Palin for president, it's a wonder that any of us have time for the daily annoyances of life. But maybe it's therapeutic to just forget everything else noted above and concentrate on what does annoy you. Naturally TNB is similarly annoyed by things like:

• TV weathermen who make absurd long range forecasts that everyone forgets about and are never required to say "I was wrong" (A great job indeed)
• Drivers who cannot pull out of parking spaces in already highly dangerous shopping centers without being on their cell phones ("I just bought some bagels")
• Physicians who develop "boutique" practices so they can charge their patients an annual "encounter fee" (Does it count if you encounter your doctor say in the restroom of a restaurant?)
• Fellow moviegoers who are nice enough to let everyone else in on their analysis of the plot by talking loudly in the theater ("I think the butler is really a spy")
• Solicitation calls for ominous sounding but often only marginally legitimate organizations such as the Police Protection Association (Implication= don't contribute; watch out next time you need help)
• Bank fees for routine transactions that are so excessive that customers are inhibited from using necessary services (Why pay $50 to stop payment on a check for $40 that may have been lost?)
• Late night talk shows such as David Letterman's which never tell the viewers that they are about to watch a repeat ("I thought it was weird that the monologue was about Hillary vs. Barack")
• "Friends" who have not yet accepted last November's election results and insist on sending the same ludicrous E-Mails as were commonplace during the campaign ("Obama really is the Manchurian Candidate")

This list is only partial at best. What really annoys you (including The Normal Blog)? Let TNB know. Material for future posts is always welcome.

What A Great Country

Americans are always reminded every July 4th of all of the great things about our country, from our unparalleled freedoms to our stable governments to our abundant resources (if we don't waste them). But what really makes us great is how we can weather some amazingly bizarre behavior. For instance:

• Apparently over a million people wanted tickets to the upcoming spectacle also known as the memorial to Michael Jackson. There's nothing better to do? They can't be all unemployed, can they? Why such a public honor for someone who despite his incredible talent had really serious character flaws? Bob Herbert, a respected African-American columnist for The New York Times just last week described Michael as a pedophile who settled for $25 million a lawsuit the facts of which "would make your hair stand on end". This is a different case than the criminal matter for which a starstruck California jury (see O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake) acquitted him. It disgusts TNB that so much attention is lavished on this misguided soul while soldiers, firefighters, policemen and others who give their lives to protect us are ignored. What a great country!
• Is there yet another governor afflicted with terminal weirdness? First there was Eliot Spitzer, then Rod Blagojevich and very recently Mark Sanford. Now comes the (for the time being) the new champ--Sarah Palin. Right after John McCain, to his eternal regret, plucked her from obscurity she has been a polarizing but sort of fascinating individual. More than most politicians, she represented and exemplified the great mass of Americans who think with their heart and believe there's a simple answer to everything (if she could only remember what that answer is). Sort of like those who would travel across the country for Michael Jackson's funeral. Now it turns out that for reasons unexplained (at least in some form of the English language) she's quitting as Alaska's governor. If she really disappears from the national scene (don't bet on it) it will be devastating for comedians and TNB, among others. Or maybe we'll elect her the next President. What a great country!