The End of the Dog Days

Remember, in the not too distant past, when the term "The Dog Days of Summer" had some significance?

It generally referred to the period, right about now, when the toll of summer heat had made people more languid than usual, resulting in many businesses closed for a week or two, family vacations scheduled, major news at a premium and in general a sort of torpor or doldrums would  set in. Even Congress was on recess  and not attending to the country's business. In ancient times, people believed the Dog Days to be an evil time when the sea boiled, wine turned sour and dogs grew mad.

But, alas, in the 21st century like so much else that we were used to, the Dog Days have lost their relevance. Perhaps it is  the widespread availability of air conditioning and indeed our 24/7 technology (texting and tweeting are never on vacation) that has eliminated or greatly reduced the doldrums. A prime example of  how Summer has changed is the early start to the school year compared to even 10 or 20 years ago--never mind TNB's childhood when the Dog Days were certainly present.

Of course, the end of the Dog Days is primarily an American phenomenon. In Europe (where paid vacations far outstrip those in the U.S.) some countries are still more or less closed down in August. But take comfort that at least one American institution is still celebrating the Dog Days--the aforementioned Congress. When they do return to Washington,  no matter what time of the year, it will still be an evil time and it wouldn't surprise anyone if the sea boiled, the wine turned sour and the dogs grew mad.

Back to the Future

One advantage of attaining senior status (there aren't many other than some discounts) is the ability, hopefully, to remember some farfetched seeming ideas that over the years have come to fruition. 

For example, during TNB's  long ago boyhood there were the space exploits of Flash Gordon, rocket ships and all. Who knew that space would be conquered within a few decades after that comic strip and later movie appeared?

Then amazingly, the eventual advent of cell phones and other modern communication devices were inadvertently prophesied in the 1940's by Dick Tracy  with his two way wrist radio (!) and in the 1960's by the great TV spy spoof Get Smart when Don Adams, as Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, had a phone in his shoe. Imagine!!

This history all came to mind recently during the latest episode of the New York political soap opera Anthony's Weiner (not to be confused with Gray's Anatomy). There were some suggestions that the antihero, Anthony, would have been better off to send his creative texts by the program known as Snapchat, whereby the message allegedly is either hidden or sort of self-destructs in as little as ten seconds. Surely this application was inspired by the famous 1960s TV show Mission Impossible whereby the weekly instructions left for Mr. Phelps (Peter Graves) were also set to deconstruct in ten seconds.

Surely life has imitated art.
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Last week, TNB, sort of tongue in cheek, dared his readers to come up with names of Not So Nice Jewish Girls. Already we have submissions for Heidi Fleiss, Sarah Silverman and Amanda Bynes. OY.

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Farewell to the most erudite reader of The Normal Blog, David Honick, who passed away at 96--indeed a Nice Jewish Boy.

Nice Jewish Boys?

Certainly the old hoary stereotype "the nice Jewish boy" is passé and has been for a long time. Although it never made any sense to attach the adjective "nice", for a long time it was sort of an accepted usage among at least Jewish mothers--bring home a nice Jewish boy! --say like TNB.

But if anyone doubts that this term is outdated , just look at the headlines the last two days. Yesterday there was Milwaukee Brewers superstar Ryan Braun a/k/a the Hebrew Hammer (honestly) being suspended for the rest of the 2013 baseball season, with a loss of $3 million in salary and his reputation. It seems that contrary to his pious denials, Braun has now admitted to doping (performance enhancing drugs) and lying about it.

Then today, Anthony Weiner, New York city Mayoral candidate who is trying to recover from a self inflicted sex scandal which caused him to resign from Congress two years ago, had to admit that he had been a bad Jewish boy again. After his apologetic mea culpa in 2011, it seems Weiner was at it again--texting pictures of his genitals to yet another woman, this time a 22 year old who he apparently wanted to meet (in Chicago!) to show her the real thing. Not exactly what is envisioned at a brit.

Of course, NJB's took a hit with Bernie Madoff and Eliot Spitzer among others. Can we put this cliché to rest forever?

Thankfully there are still nice Jewish girls. TNB dares you to name one who isn't.

The Best Blogger of All

An incredible (if sad) irony has just occurred. Just 2 days after TNB  wrote a new post after a 3 month pause , containing a tribute to Hugo Melvoin, an excellent blogger, what should happen but the disturbing news of the passing of Roger Ebert who had become in later life the best blogger of all. Confined to his computer by a debilitating illness,  Ebert had expanded his horizons from merely being the best movie critic of all to writing almost a daily journal containing his insights on the world.

As a rank amateur blogger TNB can only marvel at how apparently easy it was for  Ebert to write--what a talent!

And of course due to TNB's own background there is a special reverence for someone who loved the movies as much as Ebert did. As many  of you know TNB's father owned the eponymous movie theater pictured above. So while as a young man TNB had more than a passing interest in movies, which interest has never abated,  this paled by comparison to the absolute passion Roger Ebert had for the movies.

It's been a really sad week here in Chicago. Maybe Spring will improve matters.

It's Already the Second Quarter

Due to a "groundswell" (OK 3 or 4 people) requesting that The Normal Blog return from its self-imposed winter hiatus, following is a recap of what you might have missed during the first quarter of 2013, assuming that your attention span was also on pause:

• President Obama was inaugurated for a second term, accompanied by raucous cheers from formerly hostile Republicans who proceeded to cave in to all of his demands, including comprehensive new gun control legislation.
• Pope Benedict XVI resigned (not to spend more time with his family) thus paving the way for a new pope who was ushered into office singing Don't Cry for me Argentina.
• After not visiting there during his first term, President Obama finally made it to Israel where he so charmed the locals that the Chief Rabbi offered to convert him to Judaism without him having to undergo a brit --well, maybe just a little nick.
• In the worst case of fraternal enmity since Cain and Abel, the Harbaugh brothers squared off in the Super Bowl--after which their  horrified parents disclosed that  both boys had been  adopted from an orphanage in Yugoslavia.
• Although not deemed  humanly possible, Donald Trump made an even bigger fool of himself by filing suit (later withdrawn) against comedian Bill Maher who insinuated that at least one of Trump's parents was an orangutan (it turned out that both his mother and father had starred in Planet of the Apes).
• A woman being taken to prison was found to have a loaded pistol in her vagina--which is obviously better than hiding a nail file for future escape possibilities.

Indicating once more that nothing is weirder than the truth, TNB is sorry to inform you (if you didn't know) that only the last bullet point above is 100% true. The others, of course, do contain some half truths (or maybe a little more).

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A sad farewell to Hugo Melvoin, wonderful blogger, passionate fly fisherman and incredible shofar blower. A life well lived.

Jerks of the Year

As usual, Time Magazine has just announced its Person of the Year--no big surprise, it's President Obama. But after searching high and low, TNB could not find any publication (respectable or otherwise) who has had the courage (or bad taste) to name its jerk of the year. There are actually so many worthy candidates, multiple "winners" are required. So in no particular order:

• Wayne LaPierre  The executive VP of the NRA reached, even for him and his despicable group, a new low with his prescription for school safety-- a gun in every classroom. Is there anyone who doesn't realize that, unlike other organizations that legitimately try to protect gun rights, the NRA is just a tool of the gun and ammunition manufacturers? Cut the sanctimonious crap, Wayne, and own up to it--you're merely a front man trying  to sell more guns. The current debate has NOTHING to do with the Second Amendment, which is not under attack. It's all about Profits. It's very telling that this week the hedge fund Cerberus Management, headed by publicity shy Steven Feinberg, announced they were putting all of their numerous gun companies up for sale. Apparently, the blood of schoolchildren indirectly tied to them suddenly produced a conscience. Maybe Wayne will find one--unlikely, when you're as big a jerk as he is, there's really no hope.
• Donald Trump Speaking of reaching new lows, how about the  Donald with his phony late October "offer" to the President pledging $5 million to a charity of Obama's choice if he would reveal his college transcripts and passport applications (Romney didn't receive the same offer). After getting the requisite dose of publicity (mostly negative) weren't you surprised that Trump didn't use that "spare" $5 million for relief in his own backyard for Hurricane Sandy victims?  TNB can now reveal that this bizarre behavior results from the nest of aliens lodged in Trump's hairdo.  
• Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock, Joe Walsh  These are only the best known politicians to shoot themseves in the foot (or if you prefer, another appendage) by shockingly uninformed remarks about abortion and the female body. In the future, in order to secure the GOP nomination for any office, perhaps all male candidates ought to complete a basic course in female anatomy . Or at least have an IQ in three digits.

If you have some other nominees in mind, just contact The Normal Blog. Unfortunately, there are no cash prizes for any submissions.

Happy Birthday TNB

TNB wants to thank the American electorate for making his upcoming birthday a happy one (No ages please--but suffice to say there are two "lucky" numbers involved).

Some Observations

FLORIDA

Votes still not fully counted in Miami-Dade county?  Again? If TNB didn't know better, he'd swear that the number of Cental American, South American and Cuban exiles there have turned this into a sort of banana republic. Next election they'll need international observers!

THE DONALD

Not satisfied with his pitiful, publicity-seeking, patently phony charity offers (how much did he give to Sandy relief?) Trump now says there should be a march on Washington to protest the election! Is he suggesting a coup like in, say, a banana republic [see above]?

ABORTION

Obviously Karl Rove and his ilk didn't get the message. Women want control over their own reproductive rights and every time some neanderthal male right-winger speaks  stupidly about rape and abortion, they're going to lose [see: Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock and Joe Walsh]. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot--or some other appendage.

LATINOS

When a basically centrist Republican like Mitt Romney has to pretend he's "severely conservative" (his words) to secure the GOP nomination he's bound to make statements that will eventually haunt him such as "illegal immigrants should self-deport". And then of course the majority of Republicans are (or were) in denial over the demographic changes that have made Latinos the fast-growing voting bloc.

2016

TNB is fascinated by the fact that not since 1928 has a Republican Presidential ticket been successful without a Nixon or Bush on the ticket running for President or Vice President. Does this mean Jeb Bush will be their  next nominee? He should at least know what's happening in South Florida [see above]. Or is that sort of ominous?

SHELDON ADELSON

Here's hoping that Sheldon who blew over $10 million (chump change in one of his casinos) in a misguided effort to help Israel (they are just fine with Obama!) is happy today. For TNB's money (not $10 million) Sheldon ranks as the most despicable Jew since Bernie Madoff.

OPRAH

The undisputed most important woman in Chicago for 25 years (remember her in Grant Park in 2008 on election night?) has vanished from sight here. Did she even support  Obama? Who cares really?


After the dust clears, the next four years will be just as tough as the last four. TNB is not optimistic about bipartisanship, civility, etc. (in fairness Mitt's concession speech was gracious). But he'll celebrate on his birthday nevertheless. No gifts please.