Cell Madness

To begin with--a disclaimer.

TNB is certainly a believer in and user of modern technology. He has an I Pad and Kindle (both recently acquired) and could not exist without the Internet, which he uses both for business and pleasure (this blog being sort of in-between). Of course, like everyone over the age of 10, he has a cell phone which is currently a Blackberry Torch. So he's not just some old you-know-what wishing for a return to simpler days like say rotary phones, party lines and "slugs" (if you don't know ask someone over 65).

What has TNB flipping his wig (figuratively speaking) is the way that the use, or misuse, of cell phones is dominating behavior today. Besides the obvious--distracted drivers (TNB uses hands free bluetooth) and pedestrians-- there is now almost no place (even restroom stalls) that one can escape the rudeness of many modern cell phone users. Restaurant usage is bad enough, but now, despite repeated admonitions to the audiences it appears that more and more cell phones are ringing in theatres, both movie and live.

An egregious current example was pointed out last week by Chicago Tribune theatre critic Chris Jones. At a recent performance at Steppenwolf Theatre of the classic Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, a ringing cell phone stopped the performance with about 2 minutes to go. Jones cited other examples of the boorishness of modern theatregoers. Incredibly, at a performance of this same show (terrific BTW) yesterday, a cell phone rang 3 seats from TNB, but the actors went on. At the next intermission a number of patrons (of course including TNB) chastised the woman whose phone it was, who incredibly explained that she had just bought the phone 2 days ago and didn't know how to turn it off (someone showed her).

Lest you think this is a generational complaint, this woman, as well as many cell phone abusers was a contemporary of TNB. Yet she like so many people behave today as if the invention of cell phones marked the beginning of our society and culture. It does appear that rather than being a useful piece of technology, the cell phone is now often controlling our lives.

Have You Heard

There's so much news these days, international, national, local, sports, business and entertainment--that it's totally impossible for people to keep up. So as a public service to those of you who have information gaps, TNB hereby presents Have You Heard. For example, have you heard that:

• Sarah Palin has "authored" a controversial new book in which she reveals that she is quietly pursuing an advanced English literature degree at an Ivy League university
• Pope Benedict who recently opened the door for condom use by male prostitutes to combat AIDS has been approached to endorse Trojans (no, not the horses)
• Mel Gibson whose Hollywood career is in limbo and who is involved in a vicious custody suit, is undergoing instructions on conversion to Orthodox Judaism, with the only issue being whether he can get by with just a "ritual nick"
• Meg Whitman, founder of E-Bay, has formed a new company, E-Ocean, to commemorate the destination of the $140 million she spent on a futile effort to become governor of California (why would she want to be?)
• Christine O'Donnell, defeated Delaware senatorial candidate, has recently signed to portray the Wicked Witch of the West in the remake of The Wizard of Oz
• Brett Favre, washed up quarterback whose poor play helped get his coach fired, has decided to capitalize on his recent sexual harrassment scandal by coming out with a new line of men's undershorts complete with a hidden camera for emergencies

If you pass around this info at the Thanksgiving table, please no attribution. TNB meanwhile is facing his first date with the airport body scanners who hopefully won't laugh too loudly.

The Last Ad

Thankfully, the polls have just closed in Illinois and thus the last political ad or commercial has run, at least for awhile. Of course, soon enough the respite will end for those of us in the Chicago area, where a mayoral race is looming to pick a successor, if that's possible, to Richard M. Daley. More on that at a later date.

TNB has been witness to over a half century of political campaigns and rhetoric, having cast his first presidential vote for John F. Kennedy in 1960 (you didn't think he would vote for Richard Nixon, did you?). In that time the campaigns and especially the television commercials (on which $3 billion was spent nationally in the off-year of 2010) have gotten incredibly nasty, demeaning and almost 100% negative.

In an effort to find out what the root causes of this negativity were, TNB tracked down the person most responsible--not Karl Rove or his ilk--but an adman. It turns out that he is Bobby Draper, son of the legendary 1960's ad (or Mad) man, Don Draper. Although when last depicted on TV in 1965, Bobby was sort of a bratty child and sibling to unhappy sister Sally, over the years having learned the business from his creative master father (when sober), Bobby has developed into the unquestioned star of the negative political world. He is now head of the renowned mudslinging agency--Falsehood, Obfuscation and Smear or FOS for short.

Because TNB was loosely acquainted with the folks at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (never missed an episode) Bobby consented to a rare interview , excerpts of which follow (the full transcript can be found on TNB's Facebook and Twitter accounts if you can locate them --he can't).
TNB: Why is it that no matter how nasty the charges leveled at a politician, he or she never replies but only levels equally nasty charges at the opponent?
BD: Since most of the charges are unfortunately at least partially valid, we never allow our clients to reply truthfully (check out the name of our agency).

TNB: Does it matter that vicious ads are often based on some obscure comment the opponent made when strung out on marijuana as a college sophomore 30 years ago?
BD: This is what we call a two-fer--a dumb comment coupled with criminal activity.

TNB: How stupid is the average American to believe all of the FOS ads?
BD: Why do you think my income equalled that of LeBron James last year--my Dad would be so proud!

TNB should have paid more attention to Bobby--instead of ogling the zaftig office manager Joanie.

Guilt by Association

Negative political commercials for some time have attempted (often successfully) to link an opposing candidate with some other unpopular, perhaps unsavory person. For example in this year's Illinois gubernatorial race each candidate (the incumbent Democrat, Pat Quinn and the opposing Republican State Senator, Bill Brady) have spent millions trying to tarnish their respective opponents with the bad aroma emitted by the last 2 governors, jailed Republican George Ryan and soon to be jailed Democrat Rod Blagojevich. Never mind what each current candidate stands for, might (??) accomplish for the citizens, etc. all that apparently counts is guilt by association. While it is true that they each had an association with the respective disgraced ex-governors, isn't this sort of irrelevant? Neither was remotely suspected of being complicit in their crimes.

Full disclosure: about 12 years ago when he was an Illinois congressman, Rod Blagojevich invited a group of visiting Illinois CPA's to his Washington office and TNB actually shook his hand. This of course makes your intrepid blogger guilty (of something) by association. This one incident ruined a promising political career for TNB--imagine the ads ! Sounds ludicrous, right? Read on.

What really has TNB wondering about the intelligence of the American people (OK--no real doubt that most are gullible and yes stupid) are the ads "linking" candidates with someone say of their own party who may be despised or detested for unknown reasons--sort of guilt by almost association. In the Illinois 10th Congressional district, being vacated by Republican Mark Kirk, who is running for the Senate, his would-be Democratic successor, Dan Seals, has been the object of vicious commercials trumpeting his "association" with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who apparently because she's a (gasp) liberal has been anointed this year's bogeywoman. There is no evidence that Seals, who has never served in Congress, even knows Pelosi. But since they're both Democrats they must be associated to obviously nefarious ends.

This makes as much sense as if the Democrats ran attack ads linking Kirk with all elements of his party--for starters why not Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell (not so sure about that!) or New York gubernatorial candidate Carl "I'll take you out" Paladino or other GOP luminaries. Kirk's not really associated with them? Who's to know or care? It's a simple premise--guilt by association.

A Mixed Bag

For a change here's a mixed bag of random thoughts. The next post will return to profound, mind stretching information.

• With 4 weeks to go before midterm elections, TNB is still waiting for the first non-negative (i.e., positive) commercial for a candidate. Is it conceivable that everybody's opponent is untrustworthy, irresponsible, immoral and in general a total sleaze? (OMG, maybe it's so). No wonder voters have such a low opinion of politicians.
• Why do certain "friends" constantly bombard you with forwarded E-Mails hammering home the same old, tired views, sort of "preaching to the choir"? The ability to easily forward crap of all kinds is one of the great abuses of modern technology. Don't you sometimes wish you could send a little computer virus (nothing too serious--like the common cold, say) to these folks?
• BTW, while on the subject of E-Mails, why can't everybody forwarding E-Mails (obnoxious or otherwise) just simply delete the string of previous E-mail addresses so that everyone receiving the missive isn't privy to unnecessary information which could be used for spam, etc.? It's so easy to do (and good etiquette) that even TNB, no computer whiz, has mastered it (see the distribution of this blog, for example).
• Make sure you see the brilliant new film The Social Network. Although there are some (such as this blogger) who haven't been seduced by Facebook and its ilk, it's extremely informative to learn how this phenomenom has occurred. The writing, directing, acting, photography--all Oscar worthy. Of course, being of a (very) certain age, TNB does worry that someday, there will no longer be much live person-to -person contact. But if you think about it, the same fears were probably expressed when telephone, radio, television, computers and every other development became popular. People will likely never return to smoke signals for communication.
• Are you as disgusted as TNB (a life long intense sports fan) at the "behavior" exhibited by many overpaid athletes? If it's not DUI (they can afford to hire drivers) it's sexual harrassment (come to think of it, they can afford to hire hookers!) or drugs or beating up wives/girlfriends. What great role models for the young. These jerks should be rated lower than politicians.

The Worship of Celebrity

A recurrent theme in this blog over the past two years has been the inexplicable chasm between the values placed by much of Society on celebrity vs. the amount of esteem lavished on everyday heroes such as emergency medical personnel, firefighters, police officers, teachers, etc. No matter how frequently the failings of many celebrity politicians, athletes and entertainers are reported, there's always another one being doted on by some people who perhaps are vicariously living the celebrity life by merely worshiping the quite imperfect individuals represented by the rich and famous.

No better example could be cited than one of the all time sleaziest celebrities--Rod ("I'll eat bugs if I have to") Blagojevich. At his recent Federal corruption trial in Chicago (now facing a do-over in January thanks to one lamebrained juror), we were treated to the daily spectacle of people outside the Federal building clamoring to shake his hand and get his autograph! A few days after the trial ended mostly inconclusively, but with Helmet Hair now a convicted felon, he was mobbed by customers at a Comic Convention who paid good money to get in and meet the Great One. To all these people TNB says--you are pathetic and need to get a life!!

What about all the athletes who are practically the deity to many of their fans --that is, until many of their warts become viral, at which time a new "religion" (read- different celebs to worship) is adopted. Take New Orleans Saints star Reggie Bush who was one of the biggest all-time USC football stars (just after O.J. Simpson, who still has some admirers) until some newly exposed flagrant recruiting violations have totally disgraced the university, causing severe penalties and forcing Bush to return the ultimate college football award--the Heisman Trophy. At least among Trojan students and alumni, the adoration formerly heaped on Bush is no longer a practicing doctrine.

And who knows who will be the next celebrity to fall from grace--for all anyone can predict, it could be an entertainer such as Lady Gaga (not actually a member of the nobility), a politician such as Sarah Palin ( there are many signs that she actually is not a person of great substance) or maybe another athlete who seems like Mr. Clean (say Tiger Woods--oh wait that did happen).

In any event, someone new will burst upon the scene and will inspire slavish devotion until?

Me-Ness

For some time now there have been wails and moans about today's younger generation ("Millennials") being unusually self absorbed--you know "the me generation". But let's light up on these people (our kids and grandkids). TNB has observed that every generation (even the "elderly"--see last month's post Age Old Story) has to some degree succumbed to the it's all about me syndrome which might be, to coin a term, called Me-Ness. Examples abound of such unflattering, inconsiderate and downright rude behavior now in vogue.

• Recently, the Chicago Cubs announced that one bleacher section at one game was going to be peanut free to accommodate many peanut allergic fans. The uproar was shocking--if you or your child has such allergies, tough but don't inconvenience me ever so slightly. Me-Ness at its finest!
• While many if not most politicians exhibit a high level of Me-Ness (several steps past self-esteem!) no one has come close in recent memory to Rod Blagojevich, a now convicted felon who of course is hoping to find another moronic juror at his retrial who can be persuaded that his Me-Ness is a victim of the big bad Feds who dared to take him away from his family, threaten his home and in what has to be the most outrageous statement in a long time deprived (!) the people of Illinois of their Governor. TNB has never felt so desperate.
• When it comes to Me-Ness, even politicians, who after all still need to elected, aren't close to professional athletes. To cite just one currently in the news--overpaid, over-the-hill, steroid abuser Manny Ramirez who was dumped by the L.A. Dodgers with the Chicago White Sox giving nothing in return, except for picking up the $4.4 million (yes million) owed to Manny for possibly one month of his "services". As his final act with the Dodgers, when sent up to pinch hit in a crucial situation, he managed to get himself (deliberately?) ejected after one pitch. Then when he belatedly joined the White Sox in Cleveland (too exhausted by the 5 hour flight, in first class, to play that night) he gave his first interview almost entirely in Spanish, with a coach as interpreter. Manny grew up in New York City's Washington Heights and speaks perfect English, so what was this--Me-Ness at the ultimate?

When are we going to see a little You-Ness?

Age Old Story

It's no secret to most of you that TNB is fast approaching his 75th birthday and while he does have a few creaks to say the least, arguably his mind is still functioning. Fortunately, he's not alone. Recently a number of TNB's high school classmates (76 people including spouses, etc.), almost all born in 1935, threw a very nice birthday party for themselves and while of course some have ongoing ailments as a whole they have been extremely lucky (TNB included) to reach this milestone.

Sadly, most of the rest of our society does not recognize that lots of people of this age and much older are viable and energetic. While planning the party, a search for candies and other favors marked with the number 75 turned up empty. The highest number apparently produced was 70, thus implying what--anybody older than that can't or shouldn't be attending parties? The media labels anyone over 60 as ancient ("elderly woman hit by car" sometimes means a 62 year old).

Then of course there are the marketing and advertising geniuses who don't believe that many seniors have enough disposable income (colleges and weddings are usually behind them) to be able to and desire to purchase anything besides prescription drugs and maybe cruises. So marketing for most products is targeted towards younger people, many of whom are drowning in debt, rather than recognizing that we "elderly" are willing to buy autos, clothes (if we could find some that fit), electronics and a ton of other things that we are actually able to operate!

Speaking of prescription drugs aimed primarily at those on Medicare, don't you just love the actors or models used in TV commercials who generally are a little younger than they're supposed to be and after ingesting the prescribed remedy always wind up hiking, sailing or participating in some strenuous activity (once their bladders are controlled)? Or they may be sitting naked in adjoining outdoor bathtubs waiting for the next 4 hour opportunity before the ED drug wears off. BTW, ads for the latter contain only one example of the absurd admonition to "call your doctor" if some horrendous side effect occurs. Likely, you'll get voice mail. Worse yet what if the side effect is "thoughts of suicide"? Imagine being put on hold.

Who's Sorry Now

Is there anything sorrier and less meaningful than the seemingly rote apologies that are forthcoming almost hourly from public figures, mostly prompted by their PR people or "image consultants"?

Often of course we're talking about a politician, entertainer or athlete who's sorry over some sexual or financial indiscretion (actually sorry about being caught). But there are other types of apologies being made, such as the following recent examples:

• Bill O'Reilly-- Sorry about his role in the Shirley Sherrod USDA firing scandal (not to mention Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, sorry for his role in same scandal ). Hasn't President Obama also expressed his regret (he should!).
• Glenn Beck-- Truth be told, he should apologize for just existing. His latest "I'm sorry" resulted from his calling Chicago Bears star Brian Urlacher a "neo-Nazi" based on a shaved head picture of the linebacker Beck saw in something called "The Blackest White People" (honestly). Beck admits to knowing nothing about sports, but stopped short of admitting he's a 100% idiot.
• Mark Kirk--The Illinois senatorial candidate (and 5 term GOP Congressman from TNB's home district) has spent the Summer constantly apologizing for frequent revelations of how, over the years, he has significantly embellished his resume, particularly but not only as it pertains to his military service. Actually, business recruiters, among others, are all too painfully aware of just how how insidious the practice of "resume padding" has become.

Americans, sad to say, are extremely forgiving (and gullible) and too many insincere "I'm sorry" declarations are readily accepted instead of being treated for what most really are--self-serving, glib "let's get this over with" pronouncements, deserving of sneers, not cheers.

Bum of the Month

It's only halfway through July and TNB is feeling overwhelmed by an extraordinary number of candidates to be considered for Bum of the Month. If you're wondering, this a highly sought honor, because not just any garden variety sleaze can qualify. How about this (partial) list:

• Mel Gibson No big surprise that the anti-Semitic drunken ravings of a few years ago (he's the son of a famous Holocaust denier) have been updated to include apparent physical and mental abuse of his ex-girlfriend/ mother of his 8th child, not to mention more racial rants. Please don't tell TNB that there's still a place in the movie industry for this POS (a term that Cubs manager Lou Piniella used about a year ago on another Bum--Milton Bradley)?
• Rush Limbaugh Actually, Rush could be a viable candidate just about any month. Remember when he asked a black caller on the air if she had a bone in her nose? But the old pill-popper has outdone himself with his "eulogy" for George Steinbrenner (no saint himself) wherein he called him a "cracker" who made many African-Americans multimillionares (it's OK of course for "good ole boys" like Rush to make obscene amounts for poisoning so many gullible minds).
• LeBron James/ Dan Gilbert/Jesse Jackson It was bad enough that the supremely narcissistic James conned ESPN (which got great ratings despite or perhaps because of the bad publicity) into an hour-long love fest wherein he finally made the breathless announcement of where "he's taking his talents to" next season. Then Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, acting rather petulant and childish, blasted James for deserting the ship. But leaving no PR opportunity unturned, there was Jesse Jackson, complaining that Gilbert acted like his prized "runaway slave" had gone. Considering the dollars involved and that James' contribution to the well-being of most Americans is next to nil, TNB is feeling a huge disconnect with what's really important.
• Rod Blagojevich Another perpetual candidate who might be off the charts soon, although (you read it here first) he could escape conviction since the evidence presented at his trial by the prosecution has not shown blatant criminality--only the character defects of ignorance, arrogance, vanity, greed, etc. that should have been painfully obvious from the start. We get the leaders we deserve, it is said. But hey, what did we do wrong to get him (along with dozens of others that could be named)?

If anyone has another candidate for Bum of the Month that could equal this group, let TNB know before July ends and we have to start all over.

Happy Mid Year

These days it seems like so much is happening (partially a result of the information explosion which transmits news of all sorts instantaneously) that it no longer is appropriate to have just a year-end summary. Indeed why not such a summary at mid year which of course is now here? This way, you might recall some of the following events:

Still in the News:

• The Oil Spill. It's not improbable that unfortunately this will still be a major story at the end of the year (of course November's midterm elections are huge). Few heroes but many losers!

Pretty Much Forgotten:

• The Haitian Earthquake. Now that it's been supplanted by all things BP, does anyone care what has happened to the beleagured Haitian people? Sadly, yesterday's tragedy du jour.
• Tiger Woods. Not much coverage anymore especially since he has failed to excel on his return to competitive golf. And then of course there's Jesse James (no, not the outlaw) and others to keep the tabloid fires burning.
• Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien. Why was so much made of one multimillionaire late night star pushing another one off the air temporarily? In more ways than one, much ado about nothing.
• The Winter Olympics. Quick, name 3 medal winners. OK, there's Apollo Ohno, Lindsay Vonn and let me think awhile. Interesting entertainment for a few weeks but egregiously overpromoted by NBC, which lost a small fortune televising the Games. But the lead-ins to their regular programming! WOW!
• The Implosion Of Toyota. Unbelievable damage to a respected brand, with the result that Toyota recently erected a huge sign at Wrigley Field, home of another formerly respected brand--the Chicago Cubs.

After laboriously churning out this summary, TNB will now go out and celebrate Mid Years Eve in the traditional fashion--joining other like minded revelers (grateful that they've survived another six months) for a nightcap. That is, if anything's open past 10 PM.

Joe the Oil Apologist

Remember way back in 2008 when Joe the Plumber burst onto the scene and was quickly anointed a hero by John McCain and Fox News? Turned out of course that he was neither "Joe" nor a working plumber but his temporary elevation to cult status probably to some extent presaged the rise of the so-called Tea Party. BTW, do you ever wonder if say Joe Biden were President whether the Tea Party rhetoric would be so vicious? Just saying.

Anyway, back to our latest Joe hero--actually named Joe Barton. He's the Republican congressman from Texas, long financed by the oil industry, who's the ranking minority member on the House Energy Committee (he'll be chairman if the Republicans win the House in November). At today's Committee hearing called to publicly excoriate BP CEO Tony Hayward, Joe briefly stole the show when he "apologized" to Hayward for yesterday's White House "shakedown" (Joe's words) whereby BP agreed to forego its 2010 dividend and place $20 billion in an escrow fund to compensate victims (those "small people" as called by BP's Chairman the other day!) of the Gulf of Mexico spill.


After both Democrats (no surprise) and the Republican leadership (doing damage control) disavowed Joe's remarks, Joe spent the afternoon retracting his earlier "apology", in effect apologizing for it. He, of course had been threatened with having his seniority rights stripped away, a fate second only to losing his oil industry donations. After all the "spin" cleared what remained was the absolute certainty that Joe really meant it all along--and he's hardly the only "oil apologist"in the Republican ranks. Had the spill gone West, towards Texas, instead of heading East, TNB wonders what apology Joe would have uttered.


What is it with the name Joe anyway? During the last State of the Union address, President Obama was heckled from the House floor by previously obscure GOP representative Joe Wilson of Georgia who promptly raked in millions in donations. Is there any doubt that this a great country? TNB may change his name to "Joe the Blogger"--guaranteed to be a winner.

Don't Whistle at Night

When TNB's hometown Chicago Blackhawks won their conference final the other day, a brand new superstition was revealed to him. Athletes are notoriously superstitious but TNB was surprised (this was first conference final win for Blackhawks since 1992) that their captain, Jonathan Toews, refused on national television to touch the trophy awarded to the winning team for fear that this would jinx them in the upcoming Stanley Cup finals.

While this might sound extreme, it's worth noting that most everyone, no matter how intelligent and educated, still harbors certain superstitions which are really the irrational beliefs that unseen forces control one's fate or certain events usually with a negative effect. Many of these notions of course go back to childhood and have been passed down from generation to generation ("old wives' tales"). Consider some examples:

Those Indicating Bad Luck:

• Spilling Salt
• Black Cat Crossing Your Path
• The Number 13 (You'll never find a 13th floor in a hotel or office building)
• Walking Under a Ladder
• Breaking a Mirror
• Opening an Umbrella Indoors

Those Indicating Good Luck (or at least some chance):

• Rabbit's Foot
• Knocking on Wood
• Crossing Your Fingers
• Blessing Someone Who Has Sneezed
• Breaking a Turkey Wishbone

Honestly, don't you believe, at least subconsciously in some of the above? Hopefully, you're not obsessed with most of the above (or others). TNB will confess that he has one phobia (recently acquired, but it makes "sense").

TNB follows the maxim "Don't Whistle at Night". It is a "scientific fact" (unlike all of the foregoing superstitions) that if you do, it will bring out the snakes who might bite. References will be furnished on request.

Who Can You Believe

Many years ago (when TNB was a youth) people generally believed in institutions such as schools, churches and synagogues, banks, the government and so on. Also, perhaps naively, most of us believed in doctors, lawyers, teachers, clergymen, bankers and public officials. How times have changed! Although of course there still are believable individuals and entities, we have all become so skeptical and cynical that it is fair to ask "Who Can You Believe?"

For example, just about no one today believes or admires politicians. If they are not lying about their background (see Connecticut Atty. Gen. Richard Blumenthal's fake Vietnam service record), they are hypocritically trumpeting their non-existent "family values" (see South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, Indiana Rep. Mark Souder, etc. etc.). And then there's former Illinois Gov. Rod ("the Hair") Blagojevich who can't be believed about anything, although it remains to be seen just how gullible his soon-to-be-selected jurors are.

Our religious institutions don't have the same aura they once did, at least partially because all too many in the clergy have been exposed as all too human. Incredibly, some teachers have shown that they can't be trusted with children. And although it was always a good idea to "trust but verify" when entering into business transactions, in recent years it has almost been impossible (or impossibly stupid) to trust anyone (see Bernard Madoff, Goldman Sachs, Toyota, BP et al) when investing your life savings or just buying a car or assuming that large corporations won't ruin the environment.

In this atmosphere what can one do to retain some belief in the world around us? Probably the best solution is to get immersed in make believe (commercials, reality shows, Sarah Palin). They're just as believable as anything else and perhaps a little more amusing.

And then--if all else fails, you can believe in TNB. Never lied to you!

Reality Check

A reality check usually describes an occasion or event in which one is reminded of the state of things in the real world as contrasted to what exists in one's mind (often purposely or sincerely confused). TNB hereby offers to become head of the "reality check" police, or sort of a reality nanny. If such a position were in operation, there would be prompt daily accountability for all instances in which reality has been suspended. Some examples of the need for immediate reality checks follow:

• The apprehension of the alleged Times Square bomber turned up a naturalized American citizen who recently visited his Pakistani homeland and spent 5 months at a Taliban camp. Since he already had an MBA in the U.S. it is doubtful that he was there for additional finance classes. Despite all the apparent hard evidence against him (and his confession), a relative back home was quoted as claiming the arrest was part of an American "conspiracy" to justify bombings of the Taliban strongholds. It's obviously time for a major reality check. We know what you're up to over there and all the BS you can spew can't obliterate the facts.
• A University of Virginia lacrosse player was arrested for killing his 22 year old ex-girlfriend (a star of the women's lacrosse team ) by continually shaking her and pounding her head against the wall until she was dead (after breaking down her apartment door). In an egregious example of the need for a reality check (or at least a closed mouth) his attorney stated that this was just a "tragic accident". Really? Everyone's entitled to adequate representation, but must that consist of farfetched scenarios? Save it for the courtroom!
• In Chicago recently, 2 young women were viciously attacked with a baseball bat and robbed (one is still critical). A man and woman were arrested after brilliantly using the victims' credit and ATM cards. The alleged bat wielder has been denied bond while his female accomplice (who drove the car and rifled the 2 purses) is sitting in jail on $1,000,000 bond. The father of this 25 year old miscreant gave an interview in which he stated that she shouldn't be incarcerated because she didn't take her meds that day (?) and she is the mother of 2 small children, the father of whom is not the alleged perpetrator with whom she was out drinking until 3 AM. Here's the reality check, mister-- your daughter's a piece of garbage and can we please stop blaming "not taking meds" for every bad thing that happens. Do we need a law that requires everyone to take their meds (how could we monitor)?

Reality is not always pleasant--a lot easier to wallow in fantasy.

Mea Culpa

Mea Culpa of course is Latin for "my fault". Today's popular usage is the ubiquitous "my bad". It's very interesting that many recent declarations by individuals sort of explaining their role(s) in the financial crisis really weren't what many wanted--full mea culpas but instead were rather lame statements such as "I'm sorry" or "I regret" (just short of "tough luck"). This is naturally symptomatic of society as a whole--half-hearted apologies but no taking of responsiblity, which of course could lead to lawsuits or other nasty results, including loss of reputation (if any remains).

To TNB, the most fascinating example is one-time revered icon of all economic gurus--Alan Greenspan, former Federal Reserve chairman, who in his heyday was held in unquestioned high esteem by one and all. During recent Congressional testimony, Greenspan stated that he had been right 70% of the time and wrong 30% (which is about 29.99% higher than he previously admitted). Not exactly a mea culpa but a grudging concession that he might possibly be mortal.

Also Robert Rubin , former Treasury Secretary and Citigroup chairman muttered a few "I regrets" before the same Congressional committee but insisted that he was basically blameless for any ultimately failed economic policies or the tribulations of Citigroup which required life support from the Federal government. Rubin needed no such aid having been paid $126 million by that bank for his wise advice. Why admit you're at least partially responsible for Wall Street's problems--someone (gasp!) might suggest that you repay something?

Actually, it's quite fashionable today to blame the victim for anything you may have done--perhaps it is is everyone but these former Masters of the Universe (thanks to Tom Wolfe) who should be expressing their mea culpas.

Someone Must Care

In today's Too Much Information age (see blog posting of April 14, 2009) TNB often wonders just who cares about the relentless amount of needless tidings which we are bombarded with daily in every sort of media, whether newspapers, television and radio, the Internet (including the ultimate trivia explosion--forwarded E-Mails) and so on.

Obviously, the purveyors of all the many examples of TMI care and believe others do--someone must care, right? It apparently really matters to some people that:

• Barack Obama marked down "African-American" on his census form. Although it is arguable that releasing this information was unnecessary, sure enough, there was consternation that he didn't check the "multiracial" box. If you really care about this, TNB says "get a life" (in any hue).
• Jesse James (who TNB remembers from long-ago Wild West movies--or is this a different guy?) admittedly cheated on his wife, brand-new Oscar winner Sandra Bullock, with some heavily tattooed bimbo --thus rising from obscurity to become the bigger story, especially for those whose lives are so empty that they care about this.
• Tiger Woods, who was considered the ultimate athletic role model until last Thanksgiving when he overdosed on cranberry sauce and wrecked his car (and his image), managed on the eve of his golf return at the Masters to give the breathless public a little window into his self inflicted anguish. Please tell TNB that most of those who care about this story do so because of a fanatic devotion to his sport (golf, that is).

Perhaps what these and countless other examples signify is that we all need a form of release from all the frightening real-life things we should care about, such as the size of the Federal and State deficits, Ahmed Karzai threatening to join the Taliban, the ever increasing earthquake activity, and scariest of all, the Chicago Cubs losing their opener 16-5.

April Fools Day

As part of his ongoing program to protect his readers from all sorts of nefarious activities (see: The Tea Party), TNB hereby gives everyone adequate warning of what could happen on April 1-if you're gullible enough to believe one of the many hoaxes or practical jokes that might be attempted. One certainly doesn't want to admit that he or she is an April Fool (or for that matter a fool on any other day).

Some of the all-time best pranks (courtesy of Wikipedia) include:

• The 1998 report that the Alabama legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi.
• The 1996 New York Times ad by Taco Bell announcing that they had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it (what else) the Taco Liberty Bell.
• The famous 1957 BBC report showing Italians harvesting spaghetti from trees (having eradicated that horrible pest, the spaghetti weevil).
• The BBC (oh, those Brits!) in 1994 stating that Big Ben would go digital.
• Annual National Public Radio (NPR) announcements such as the 2008 report that the IRS was shipping consumer products instead of cash for tax rebates (actually, for many near-destitute States this might work)..

Sadly, all of these hoaxes were believed, at least for a short while, by a number of people who forgot what day it was. Although these poor souls quickly figured out what was real and what wasn't, in our society today we seem to have a lot of perpetual April Fools, who believe 24/7 in the most amazing things, such as:

• Sarah Palin
• Glenn Beck
• Celebrity Apprentice
• All of the "ask your doctor" drugs advertised on TV (most of which today seem to include suicide as a side effect)
• The honesty of the Karzai government in Afghanistan.
• The chance of the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series (TNB is the April Fool here!)

So beware on April 1st. If you've been made an April Fool (even temporaily) please don't let TNB know. He'll be embarrassed.

Armageddon

Armageddon is of course the site prophesied in the Bible where the end of time as we know it will occur. For years, the term has been used as a synonym or description for cataclysmic events. The specter of the fearful Armageddon has been recently significantly trivialized by a movie with that title (where the final battle occurs in 2012, or is that just the next presidential election?) and by using it to describe horrible weather, etc.

Thus, it should be no surprise that "enlightened" Republican leaders such as Michael Steele and John Boehner have described the recently passed health reform legislation as "Armageddon". Why not further create a poisonous atmosphere (causing numerous threats against Democratic legislators among other problems) and whip up the "unenlightened" masses into a Tea Party and Fox News Channel fueled frenzy over a piece of legislation that will likely do far more good than harm?

Let's look at just what is so awful that the aforementioned end of time must be fast approaching. Although there can be legitimate debate over the stipulation(effective four years from now!)that everyone must purchase health insurance, albeit possibly with Federal Government assistance, how can anyone seriously believe that all Americans should not have reasonable access to health care? And as to the immediate reining in of insurance company overreach (insurance for children with pre-existing conditions, lifting of caps on total payments, etc.) is it possible that the vehement opposition is not really on ideological grounds but is largely due to the "undue influence", to say the least, of industry lobbying efforts?

Although the (televised) behavior of certain members of Congress this past weekend explains that body's 17% approval rating, the public (other than those believing in Armageddon!) has not generally reacted negatively. Polls are positive, the stock market is calm, the NCAA tournament is moving along, the baseball season will open soon and although hard to believe to some, life goes on. The end of time is not yet here (just wait until Sarah Palin is elected President).

BTW--an ugly postscript to the legislative maneuvers has been the re-emergence of the use of the "abortion card" as the major item of significance, no matter what the merits of the bill. Despite language to the contrary in the legislation, so called "pro life" forces have emerged from dormancy (abortion rates are way down) to engage in the worst sort of fearmongering possible. How can this be the major issue for so many when this country is battling recession, constant and increasing threats of terrorism, lack of quality education and yes unevenly provided health care? The answer is obvious--it is emotional, not logical -- an apt description of the Armageddonites.

Fame

Two famous quotes, each relating to the meaning of fame, are of course:

1. "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes" attributed to Andy Warhol in 1968 [today, shortened to his/her 15 minutes of fame].
2. "Glory [updated to fame] is fleeting, obscurity is forever" attributed to Napoleon Boanaparte in the early 19th century.

These 2 maxims have never been more relevant than currently, when in part due to the information explosion (Internet, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) and the so-called 24/7 news cycle, it is far easier to get famous [maybe for slightly longer than 15 minutes] as well as also to lapse quickly into often well-deserved obscurity.

Take for example one Eric Massa, recently resigned (in disgrace) New York congressman. Massa embarrassed moronic right-wing commentator Glenn Beck on a live program by admitting that Massa's well-documented groping of five single male aides he lived with (!) had nothing to do with his disillusionment with President Obama's health care program, which Beck thought he was exposing (pun intended). Massa has been mercilessly and steadily lampooned by every comedian but does anyone believe that by the end of 2010 his 15 minutes of fame won't have turned into obscurity?

For that matter, whatever happened to the Salahis? Only 4 short months ago, this faux-society couple certainly had their 15 minutes when they crashed the White House State dinner honoring the Prime Minister of India. So far, they haven't been charged with any crime, but if they're "lucky" enough to have this happen, they could get another 15 minutes (or 15 months in jail?). Otherwise, it's obscurity and in the apt words of another old maxim, they will become (perhaps) a footnote to history.

So the next time someone new bursts on the scene, likely for some sort of notorious behavior, TNB advises you to write their name(s) down and keep them in a safe place so that you can remember them if you care to (???).

Oscar Night

The first ever Normal Blog appeared almost exactly two years ago (March 12, 2008) and was entitled "Movie Musings" reflecting TNB's life-long movie passion. It's no coincidence that a long ago Chicago movie theatre, the Normal, is prominently displayed. So on the eve of this year's Oscars some updated Movie Musings (and predictions) appear to be in order.

Will the hugely successful "Avatar" beat out the modest but gripping "Hurt Locker" for Best Picture? Since these 2 are directed, respectively, by ex-spouses James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow, will Academy voters split their votes so one award goes to each? There is precedent with an occasional Best Director (e.g., the notorious Roman Polanski for "The Pianist") coming from a picture that did not win the top prize. A purist would argue that Best Picture automatically means Best Director, but as we all know, emotion plays a large part in the voting, so TNB predicts that Bigelow will get a very nice consolation prize, but "Avatar" will win the big one.

Speaking of emotion, long-time Hollywood insiders Jeff Bridges and Sandra Bullock are heavily favored to each win their first Oscars for "Crazy Heart" and "The Blind Side", two very average movies. Honestly, isn't it time that we stop taking Meryl Streep and her 16 nominations for granted and finally give her a 3rd Oscar for her scintillating turn as Julia Child in "Julie and Julia"? If she doesn't deserve Best Actress, TNB will eat 3 helpings of Child's very rich beef bourgignon.

Likewise, whatever happened to the Best Actor chances of George Clooney whose perfect depiction of a modern day corporate assassin in "Up in the Air" caused, among other things, a spike in the sale of wheeled, carry on suitcases? Also, in that movie, Anna Kendrick's wonderful performance as a smarmy technogeek has been overwhelmed by Mo'Nique, who has Best Supporting Actress sewed up for "Precious".

Finally, there's nothing like playing a Nazi to give an edge for any acting award--see Christof Waltz for Best Supporting Actor in "Inglourious Basterds", Quentin Tarantino's outrageous reimagining of an alternative (and satisfying) end to World War II.

By next week, this will all be a distant memory, but at least for TNB, Oscar Night is great fun. As an aside, venerable Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert (who is basically unable to eat, drink or speak) supposedly will be attending, which is a greater achievement than any of the foregoing examples of make believe.

Anybody Else Believe This ?

Besides TNB, does anybody else believe that:

• Sarah Palin and her Tea Party devotees (who recently paid her $100,000 to talk "hopey" and "changey" to them) are not strictly a fringe movement, to be easily dismissed? Apparently, between 25% and one-third of Americans really think she makes sense and therefore she and her movement are dangerous, not laughable. History says that she'll self-destruct by 2012, but don't count on it. The best antidote would of course be for President Obama to really turn this country around.
• Two months from now, less than 1% of Americans will not remember who won the moguls, biathlon, Nordic combined or snowboard cross at the Olympics? NBC has done a great job in making these rarely seen sports exciting but our attention span (never long) will inevitably turn to March Madness (college basketball and the Oscars!), American Idol, Opening Day and other rites of Spring.
• Speaking of NBC, Jay Leno's post-Olympics return to the Tonight Show will be a colossal flop (as will his replacements in prime time)? Viewing habits have changed so radically with fragmentation of options (including the Internet, I- Phones, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) that it is hard to imagine that the old TV paradigms will return (or should).
• The U.S. Senate is an ineffective, unresponsive legislative body? Between the campaign financing issues, pork, scandals, poor behavior and inertia (not to mention the archaic rules) how can anyone admire the savagely partisan members of this group. Too bad they're not all up for re-election this year. Of course, the entire House is and they're not much better.
• Toyota will never return to its position in the automobile market? The only way to repair the severely battered image is for Toyota to change its name to disassociate from the poor quality syndrome. TNB suggests say Edsel or CMW (China Motor Works) to bring back consumer confidence. No need to give thanks--just providing a public service.

The Blind Side

Many of the people who fancy themselves experts on the movie business, both within and outside of Hollywood, have been stunned by the huge financial success of The Blind Side which although receiving lukewarm reviews, has to date grossed $238 million vs. a modest cost of $35 million and even more surprisingly has garnered an Oscar nomination for Best Picture and a Best Actress nomination for Sandra Bullock, who is the early favorite to win. The reaction of "mainstream" America to a reasonably well made feel good movie, based on a compelling true story and containing a heavy dose of Southern high school football (with cameos from real college coaches) as well as a do gooder attitude should not be surprising. There even is an honest (and factual) recognition of the sleazy side of college recruiting.

Of course the term Blind Side as used here refers to the fact that quarterbacks are much more vulnerable to being hurt by onrushing defensive linemen from the side opposite the one they're usually facing when attempting to pass, which for right handed QB's is the left (or "blind") side. Thus, their major protectors, charged with covering such "blind side" are behemoths playing left tackle, a very important position and one in which of course the real life protagonist, Michael Oher, has excelled to the point where he starred in 2009 as an NFL rookie with the Baltimore Ravens, after an All American career at Ole Miss.

On the eve of that uniquely American cultural institution, Super Bowl Sunday, TNB can only think of how instructive the theme of this film should be to the very sports aware President Obama. Who is covering his Blind Side from the Tea Party rabble (biggest hero of which is Sarah Palin), the birthers, Fox News and others who are hell bent on wrecking his presidency no matter what the cost to the country? Of course, since he's left handed his biggest protection must come from the right side, which is pretty ironic.

Despite the overwhelming Democratic control of Congress, there doesn't seem to be much offensive football being played there with the majority always appearing to be on the defensive. Has there ever been a more ineffectual Senate Majority leader than Harry Reid? LBJ, where are you now that we need you? If the character played in the movie by Sandra Bullock wasn't an avowed Republican, TNB would call on her in a minute to kick some butt. Come to think of it she might anyway.

State of the Union

The reaction to President Obama's State of the Union speech was based on such predictable partisan attitudes that TNB wonders-- why bother? Does anyone feel the slightest bit differently about the President, the economy, Afghanistan, Jay and Conan, Tiger Woods, John and Elizabeth Edwards, Lady GaGa or for that matter any pressing issue than before the so called SOTU talk? The only minor blip resulted from Obama's long overdue announcement that he feels it's time to end the absurd "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gays serving in the military.

Not in TNB's memory (a long one!) has this country ever been so polarized politically. After Joe Wilson's "you lie" outburst in Congress last year we've now been "treated" to a Supreme Court Justice (Sam Alito) mouthing "it's not true" when Obama criticized last week's ruling giving corporations (and unions) the right to make unlimited political contributions as a matter of free speech. Why are the Justices even at SOTU, dressed in their robes no less? Antonin Scalia and his lackey Clarence (the Mute) Thomas never bother to show up anyway.

In order to keep their "filibuster proof" (now that's really majority rule democracy at work) previous Senate majority of 60 together the Democrats had to suck up to turncoat Arlen Specter and even worse to Traitor Joe (no, not Trader Joe) Lieberman. But with the election of charismatic new Mass. Senator Scott Brown, 60 is now down to 59. So why not drop to 57 by disassociating the party (led in the Senate by the incredibly uncharismatic Harry Reid) from these two?

Speaking of Scott Brown, he has obviously energized the GOP not only because of his populist message but also his good looks (see the old Cosmo centerfold). Sort of like a male Sarah Palin who, let's admit it, is basically as popular as she is not only because of her populist message but her undeniably good looks. TNB's unscientific poll has revealed that 87% of her supporters are horny rednecks. A race in 2012 between these two for the Republican nomination (don't laugh) could be something to see. The tabloids are waiting. The country deserves no less.

Principles

It is often difficult these days to tell which principles people are following in their daily lives. For example, some individuals appear to be disciples of The Peter Principle, first expounded by Dr. Laurence Peter in 1969. This axiom of course states that sooner or later people are promoted to their level of incompetence. After over 50 years in the business world, TNB can certainly attest to the validity of this proposition.

Lately we have seen some very public examples of The Peter Principle at work, perhaps best exemplified by Jeff Zucker who rose from NBC Wunderkind at the Today Show to president of the network, where he has presided over the demise of NBC prime time including the jaw dropping Leno/O'Brien mess. For this classic adherence to The Peter Principle, Zucker was rewarded with a new 3 year comtract by Comcast, which is acquiring NBC Universal from GE. A perfect manifestation of what has been aptly dubbed "upward failure".

At a slightly different level is The Dilbert Principle, first enunciated in 1995 by cartoonist Scott Adams and which states that companies tend to intentionally promote their least competent employees to middle management as "nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow". Sadly, this satirical observation was written before the current syndrome (see the movie "Up in the Air") of just terminating employees-- competent or otherwise.

Now in 2010, we have The TNB Principle, which asserts that people totally without any principles can shockingly be an influential voice in society. Just last week we witnessed both Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson make statements about the earthquake in Haiti that dispel any lingering doubts about their characters. If only there was some way to remove these morons from the productive flow (see Dilbert) before they do any more damage to what remains of our principles.

Prime Time

The year 2010 is less than two weeks old but already there's a lot of news, such as:
1. Rod Blagojevich A/K/A Mr. Scum, told Esquire Magazine than he's "blacker than Obama" (in addition to using the "C" word to describe Ill. Atty. Gen. Lisa Madigan). Actually TNB has learned that as an infant Rod was found in the weeds by Alabama sharecroppers who gave him up to a Serbian family after raising him with black values.
2. Mark McGwire finally confessed to steroid use absolutely shocking the baseball world. Actually TNB has learned that Sammy Sosa will confess that his skin whitening cream caused his enormous bulging muscles as well as his loss of any use of the English language.
3. Rudy Giuliani, who became "America's Mayor" in the aftermath of 9/11, stated that under Bush there were NO domestic terror attacks as compared of course to Obama who has had Ft. Hood, Detroit, etc. Actually, TNB has learned that Rudy is just the latest victim of "selective Republican amnesia" whereby no one can (or wants to) recall anything that occurred during W.'s 8 years.

All these stories pale, however, compared to the ongoing brouhaha about relocating Jay Leno's failed prime time show and the effect on Conan, Jimmy et al. The biggest problem seems to be what will be shown 5 nights a week in the spot being vacated by Leno. Actually TNB has confidentially learned that NBC is considering the following:

(MON) THE DENTIST Shy but horny young Dr. Jon Filler only can get up the nerve to ask a female patient for a date when her mouth is stuffed with cotton or while she is in a twilight sleep from anesthesia.
(TUE) THE SUPERMARKET Veteran meat department manager Butch Butcher is demoted to the produce department when he announces that he's become a vegan.
(WED) THE AUDITORS Handsome but nerdy beginning auditor Clark Credit is totally intimidated by his superior, gorgeous but smug Debbie Debit. However after the pair uncover a major Ponzi scheme they begin a torrid romance to the shock and awe of their CPA colleagues.
(THU) THE ENGINEER Studious structural engineer Bob Billder is so stressed by the demands of his job that he spends the nighttime hours secretly examining bridge supports.
(FRI) THE RABBI Progressive Rabbi Jenny Maven reaches out to Orthodox, Conservative and Reform Jews by holding group therapy sessions on alternate Shabbats.

With this potential lineup who needs Jay (or Conan or Jimmy or for that matter Dave)?

Heroes

Our modern society doesn't permit most heroes to last long on their pedestals. Thanks to the Internet, 24/7 Cable News, tweets, and other instantly available information, every wart, every instance of bad behavior and indeed just an ordinary manifestation of human nature is quickly seized upon to tear down our (mostly undeserving) heroes.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the sports world where new heroes emerge as quickly as others are shamed. Sadly, so many of the disgraced idols are revered by the youth of America, fueled by incredible commercial exploitation. Thus the old maxim that the higher one rises, the more swiftly one falls is constantly in evidence today. Many of these individuals should, of course, never been considered heroes (except by their sponsors). Consider a few examples:

GILBERT ARENAS The eccentric (and of course wildly overpaid) Washington Wizards star has been totally unmasked as nothing more than a thug by bringing guns into the Wizards' locker room, allegedly brandishing one at a teammate, who may have reciprocated, and then mocking the whole process in a pregame exhibition of arrogance and stupidity. Could anyone possibly still admire him for any reason?

TIGER WOODS More the darling of corporate America than young people who tend to concentrate on team sports (fantasy golf anyone?) no one in or out of sports has better exemplified the rapid plummet from grace (as well as providing incredible fodder for the sensationalist media)as Tiger. Obviously his image team had done a masterful job in portraying the admittedly superior golfer as some sort of superior human being. Interesting that of his many embarrassed major sponsors, only Nike which peddles athletic equipment not "prestige" products or services, appears to be ready to stick with Tiger indefinitely.

BRIAN KELLY The much admired football coach who brought the previously obscure University of Cincinnati team to the 2010 Sugar Bowl game quit 2 weeks before such game to take a more lucrative job at Notre Dame. His shocked team was thereupon annihilated by Florida 51-24. Speaking of the disgusting record of college coaches how about MIKE LEACH of Texas Tech, outstanding molder of "student-athletes" who was fired just before the Alamo Bowl (won by his team) for abusing a player who had complained of a concussion. There are few heroes among the college coaching fraternity (see payoffs to recruits among other examples of "heroic" conduct).

Of course, we also have many former heroes in baseball, such as Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire all tarnished by steroids after all attaining the pinnacle of admiration.

Who to believe in, admire, even consider a hero? Not exactly glamorous icons to be fawned upon but how about firefighters, police officers, emergency room personnel, the military? Just not the American way, is it?